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deathpixie) wrote2001-05-21 10:08 am
deathpixie) wrote2001-05-21 10:08 am
Collecting myself...
I just looked out the window and it's foggy outside. Really foggy. No wonder it was cold when I got out of bed this morning.
No work today, because it's a Corryong court day on Thursday, and Pete and Paula will be there all day, which means I'll be working all day on Thursday by myself. So I'm doing three full days this week instead of the two full, two half-days. Fine by me - I was out of sorts when I got up this morning. Better now, for reading my email and the livejournals. Apologies for the snarky last entry.
Strangely enough, my bunny weekend hasn't left me in as good a mood as I'd thought it would. Sure I had fun, but I'm feeling sort of dissatisfied. Like something's missing. I guess my sense of romance isn't as dead as I thought - I want to be romanced, dammit! Sex is all very well and good, but sometimes a girl wants cuddles too, y'know? Or to be told she looks good. I think Adam appreciated the Trinity outfit more than Michael did. Phooey. :P
Enough of that. I did enjoy myself. I went to my first game of AFL football in years on Saturday; Carltong -v- Brisbane. Sorry, Mel, I was barracking for Carlton, after Brisbane whupped Sydney's arses last round. ;) It was fun, even if it wasn't my team. Then I got ready for Wondermouse's party and made my way out to Glen Iris - it took about an hour by tram and train. It was fun, watchign the reaction's on people's faces to my get-up; I couldn't wear the shades, of course, since it was night and I would have been falling over things, but the rest was pretty convincing. I managed to get one photo, but I have to use up the rest of the shots in my camera before I get it developed. The party itself was so-so. I got the impression not everyone expected turned up, but I talked to a few people, showed off an escrima drill with Will (who was dressed as Neo, interestingly enough *grins*), and had a reasonably good time. I got a taxi home about one am - I'm gettign too old for this stuff. If it had been a pub, I might have stayed longer.
Sunday morning I find out it's Michael's birthday - he hadn't said anything, the ratbag, and I only found out by overhearing an answering machine message. We went down to see "Thirteen Days" at the Nova Cinema, with a stop at Readings Bookshop first. I got sneaky in turn and got him a Paul Kelly CD without him knowing, and tucked it under the book on his bedside table with a note for him to find later. Only fair - he'd bought me the first Harry Potter book for mine. Yes, I've finally succumbed. ;) My train was at 5.53 that evening, so he gave me a lift to the station and that was my weekend.
I had a spat with BRM when I got back. Not a full on argument, just me being irritable and cranky adn him being pontificating and lecturing. He hates the whole Michael idea - he keeps saying it doesn't matter to him, but he also slips out with little barbs and remarks, which annoys the hell out of me. Not because Michael is the next Love of My Life or anything, but because he's not honest enough to admit he doesn't like the idea of me sleeping with other people. I think if I was in a realtionship, he could handle it better. In a way I suppose I'm rubbing his nose in the fact that we weren't compatible sexually, and that's what bugs him. Well, sorry, but I like sex. And for now I'm going to catch up on what I've missed. If that makes me a slut, so be it. It's not like having a reputation matters at this time of my life.
In a way, I'm kind of looking forward to him moving out, as strange as it will be at first. He's got an interview tomorrow with the principal of Walwa Primary School - it seems the scholarship thing isn't dead after all. The deal is the school provides $3000 for his education, and then he works for them for 2 years. Walwa is a tiny little town about an hour and a half's drive away, so he wuld probably move there if he gets the position. Which suits me fine. I want my own space back, I'm sick of tiptoeing around and not being able to make private phone calls or write these sort of journal entries without him wanting the computer to check his email or do course work. The computer is in the lounge room, since there wasn't room for my desk in my room, as is the phone. There's a phone jack in BRM's room, which he uses when he wants to make private calls, but I have to call Michael in here, and BRM is always around when I do. I have no space of my own except my bedroom, and that's just my bed and clothes. It's not somewhere I hang out in. And I want to be able to leave stuff on my desk without it being moved, or without having to move a shitload of his stuff to get to the keyboard. I guess I just want my own life back. I'm tired of being the one to make comprimises, and bending over backwards to be helpful. Bastard couldn't even replace the damaged tyre on my bike this weekend like I'd asked - and he'd promised to do. I'm tired of asking him to do stuff that would help around the place, and then finding he hasn't done it, like dinner the other night when I was at training. At least on my own, I know for definite that something will or won't be done, because I'm the one to do or not do it.
I'm a bit of a loner, deep down. I like people, I love having friends and visitors, but I sometimes prefer my own company best. And I'm tired of putting myself out all the time, for no benefit.
No work today, because it's a Corryong court day on Thursday, and Pete and Paula will be there all day, which means I'll be working all day on Thursday by myself. So I'm doing three full days this week instead of the two full, two half-days. Fine by me - I was out of sorts when I got up this morning. Better now, for reading my email and the livejournals. Apologies for the snarky last entry.
Strangely enough, my bunny weekend hasn't left me in as good a mood as I'd thought it would. Sure I had fun, but I'm feeling sort of dissatisfied. Like something's missing. I guess my sense of romance isn't as dead as I thought - I want to be romanced, dammit! Sex is all very well and good, but sometimes a girl wants cuddles too, y'know? Or to be told she looks good. I think Adam appreciated the Trinity outfit more than Michael did. Phooey. :P
Enough of that. I did enjoy myself. I went to my first game of AFL football in years on Saturday; Carltong -v- Brisbane. Sorry, Mel, I was barracking for Carlton, after Brisbane whupped Sydney's arses last round. ;) It was fun, even if it wasn't my team. Then I got ready for Wondermouse's party and made my way out to Glen Iris - it took about an hour by tram and train. It was fun, watchign the reaction's on people's faces to my get-up; I couldn't wear the shades, of course, since it was night and I would have been falling over things, but the rest was pretty convincing. I managed to get one photo, but I have to use up the rest of the shots in my camera before I get it developed. The party itself was so-so. I got the impression not everyone expected turned up, but I talked to a few people, showed off an escrima drill with Will (who was dressed as Neo, interestingly enough *grins*), and had a reasonably good time. I got a taxi home about one am - I'm gettign too old for this stuff. If it had been a pub, I might have stayed longer.
Sunday morning I find out it's Michael's birthday - he hadn't said anything, the ratbag, and I only found out by overhearing an answering machine message. We went down to see "Thirteen Days" at the Nova Cinema, with a stop at Readings Bookshop first. I got sneaky in turn and got him a Paul Kelly CD without him knowing, and tucked it under the book on his bedside table with a note for him to find later. Only fair - he'd bought me the first Harry Potter book for mine. Yes, I've finally succumbed. ;) My train was at 5.53 that evening, so he gave me a lift to the station and that was my weekend.
I had a spat with BRM when I got back. Not a full on argument, just me being irritable and cranky adn him being pontificating and lecturing. He hates the whole Michael idea - he keeps saying it doesn't matter to him, but he also slips out with little barbs and remarks, which annoys the hell out of me. Not because Michael is the next Love of My Life or anything, but because he's not honest enough to admit he doesn't like the idea of me sleeping with other people. I think if I was in a realtionship, he could handle it better. In a way I suppose I'm rubbing his nose in the fact that we weren't compatible sexually, and that's what bugs him. Well, sorry, but I like sex. And for now I'm going to catch up on what I've missed. If that makes me a slut, so be it. It's not like having a reputation matters at this time of my life.
In a way, I'm kind of looking forward to him moving out, as strange as it will be at first. He's got an interview tomorrow with the principal of Walwa Primary School - it seems the scholarship thing isn't dead after all. The deal is the school provides $3000 for his education, and then he works for them for 2 years. Walwa is a tiny little town about an hour and a half's drive away, so he wuld probably move there if he gets the position. Which suits me fine. I want my own space back, I'm sick of tiptoeing around and not being able to make private phone calls or write these sort of journal entries without him wanting the computer to check his email or do course work. The computer is in the lounge room, since there wasn't room for my desk in my room, as is the phone. There's a phone jack in BRM's room, which he uses when he wants to make private calls, but I have to call Michael in here, and BRM is always around when I do. I have no space of my own except my bedroom, and that's just my bed and clothes. It's not somewhere I hang out in. And I want to be able to leave stuff on my desk without it being moved, or without having to move a shitload of his stuff to get to the keyboard. I guess I just want my own life back. I'm tired of being the one to make comprimises, and bending over backwards to be helpful. Bastard couldn't even replace the damaged tyre on my bike this weekend like I'd asked - and he'd promised to do. I'm tired of asking him to do stuff that would help around the place, and then finding he hasn't done it, like dinner the other night when I was at training. At least on my own, I know for definite that something will or won't be done, because I'm the one to do or not do it.
I'm a bit of a loner, deep down. I like people, I love having friends and visitors, but I sometimes prefer my own company best. And I'm tired of putting myself out all the time, for no benefit.