Question for you all

[deathpixie]

So, this is a situation that I've been pondering on for a while. I've talked to a few people about it, and I have some rough plans for the new year (since there's way too much going on atm for me to even think about it!), but I'd like to see what you guys on LJ think. So, here's the question:

How do you meet new people socially?

A little bit of background - I moved to Canada four years ago. I've realised recently that my social network is very small and entirely based on my roommate, due to me not doing anything about it, and now I'm getting my mojo back, I'd like to change that. So, O wise and knowledgeable people of the Internet, what suggestions do you have for me? In terms of "getting out there and meeting people", where do I go?

Comments

[cocoajava.livejournal.com]

I've never been very good at figuring this out either. Though, I've had very good luck with my internet friendships carrying over into RL. Maybe try finding some local groups that way - is there a livejournal community for your town? Local discussion groups, even an online newspaper? I'm astounded how often my casual conversations in such places lead to meet-ups and real-life friendships.

[deathpixie]

There is a Toronto LJ comm - [Bad username or site: @ livejournal.com] but it's pretty big and unwieldy in terms of meet ups. I am, however, involved in trying to start up a book club with another girl from there after a question about potential clubs, so there's a start? ;)

[cocoajava.livejournal.com]

A good start, absolutely! :D

[evilwildlex.livejournal.com]

You can always meet me sometime. :) I'm in Toronto.

[deathpixie]

*grins* It may have been mentioned a few times among the Gang of Three XPers (Dex, Aisy and myself) that we need to lure you out and about. ;) What's your schedule like?

[evilwildlex.livejournal.com]

I've got Wednesday the 16th completely off and without any scheduled plans. :D I have this Tuesday and this Friday off, but I have plans on those days.

If you guys haven't experienced the yum that is Green Mango Thai food, we could always meet up for Thai.

[trishalynn.livejournal.com]

One of the gals I play poker with is someone I met from Twitter because her boyfriend is someone I started following because he reviews bars for an NYC blog.

Another friend I keep trying to find time to do stuff with is from Staten Island and we met while talking about Desert Bus for Hope on the Loading Ready Run forums.

Then there's the very small circle of friends I still have from the local anime con I used to work for.

I also have a group of friends I meet with that I found through going to NYC MetaFilter meetups.

If there are local non-profits who always need volunteers, why not go that route, too?

[doqz.livejournal.com]

Joining a club seems like the easiest answer. Gym, escrima, bicycling, rock climbing, RPG. There's bound to be any number of your hobby groups in TO.

[deathpixie]

Tai chi is on the cards for next year, provided I can find somewhere I like and can afford.

[maureenans.livejournal.com]

damn good question - let me know when you figure it out. I can tell you what I have tried (to little success).

1). meetup.com - I signed up for groups based on interest, showed up at the appointed place and time...and never saw anyone else. After 3 of these, I quit going.

2). joined a synagogue - I know you're not Jewish, but I got involved in our Temple Young Marrieds/Young Professionals program. I was the youngest by 10ish years and the only one not married. After a year as a member, I joined the planning committee, then gave up on it too.

3). through other friends like Avital - when I'm with her friends, things are great and everyone says "yeah, we should hang out more!" then no one calls me or is super busy when I call them.

4). coworkers - just....no. went to the bar with them like twice. Never again.

5). school - sort of works. sorta. it's still ongoing and I know you're not in school

it seems to me that everyone I meet has their established group of friends and aren't interested in making new ones.

[deathpixie]

*nods* Scrabble wound up a bit like that for me - everyone had their established friends and I got tired of feeling like the New Girl, even after six months of playing.

[maureenans.livejournal.com]

when I was in Az I joined THEM - which is the ASU scifi/fantasy/geeky what have you social club and was instantly accepted and loved it. There's been talk about expansion outside of ASU.

I also began showing up to the Monday night coffee shop Deaf group - just a group of people who would show up to this one coffee shop every Monday to hang out. Most people were deaf, but some were ASL students. I walked in with my boyfriend at the time (who was deaf) and knowing the ASL alphabet and ended up taking 2 years worth of ASL in 1 year, involved in the deaf community in Phoenix, etc etc.

Here there are deaf groups, but nothing within a 30 minute drive of me and almost all of them are GLBQT related, which...I am not. So I've never tried them out.

I think it is something about Atlanta honestly. Phoenix, I never had any issues meeting people, I showed up alone at clubs and never felt alone or like the new girl for more than a few minutes. Here....it's New Girl Syndrome Forever.

EDIT: also tried fencing, but that ended spectacularly. never date your coach.

[threnody.livejournal.com]

The only reason I know anyone is because I took up knitting and then decided it was a good idea to get out of the house for a while every few weeks via local knitting group. I'm really glad I did, as I met quite a few people- some I like, some I don't, one who's in the middle and happens to live across the street (!).

I tried joining the church that's down the road from me, but the priest was swapped last year and I really can't stand the new one so that kind of puttered out. I've thought about finding a synagogue (since I'm a fence-sitter that way), but I'm really chickenshit. In general, though, church-type groups are always a good bet. Unitarians are the most relaxed bunch of church-going types this side of being dead, so that might be a good one to seek out if you're not inclined any particular way.

[d-benway.livejournal.com]

Volunteer! Volunteering for arts related Things is especially fun unless, like here, the only other people who volunteer have 1.85 feet in the grave.

[jbmcdragon.livejournal.com]

I'm just rehashing things people have said, but...

Volunteer! Find something you enjoy doing and volunteer for it.

Join a club, or take classes somewhere.

I did the first two things Mo' describes as not working, but found them to be awesome and totally worked for me. *laughs* meetup.com was a Godsend when I was in Murrieta and knew no one. And when I came here, I started at a Unitarian church where they immediately asked me to join in their youth group (which was anyone under, uh, forty. *amused*). I also specifically looked for a church with a lot of extra curricular activities. ;-D The less church-y option there is to find groups and clubs doing things you enjoy -- which is where I found meetup.com helpful. You can check the group history to see who actually shows up for meetings, and therefore which groups are worth getting together for! Or you can email whoever started the group and just ask how active the group is... and if that person wants to get together. ;)

Either way, remember the key friend-making phrase, which I learned from my friend Jane: "Do you want to go out for coffee?" If you only ever see people in that group setting, they are forever just acquaintances and you will always be the outsider.

Another thing I discovered is that if I go hang out at the local coffee shop at the same time everyday, there's often a crowd who all goes to hang out, too. Much like the pub culture. ;) You have to be a little more forward there; some people are groups who are there to chat. Look for those people, and sit nearby and be interested in what's going on.

[ion-duck.livejournal.com]

Ummm-- you're asking me this why? If I were a social element it'd be Krypton gas. How about I send you out there blind, you figure out the answers-- then when you find out tell me how to do it. I'd do it myself but used all my bravery up the other day watching Fish Called Wanda.

[msss.livejournal.com]

Mostly through clubs and stuff like that, where there's a clear focus to the group. I confess that I'm generally happy being rather anti-social though. Being around people is a lot of effort.

[daroos.livejournal.com]

1) Find something you like to do, or would like to learn how to do.

2) Go do that thing, while making an active attempt to be social

3) Make contact with individuals with an attempt towards contact outside said activity.

The sorts of things I did this with was fencing (medieval recreation people - hard to get to know but friends for life once you do) and swing dancing (easy to get to know but hard to pin down for anything more socially engaging than a 4 minute dance). Oh, volunteering is a good way, too. I've found that the best way to get to know people is to go out and do something you like doing, and know people who also enjoy doing similar things.

[seraangel.livejournal.com]

I found a good way of going about it can sometimes be seeking out 'doing things'. So, book club type thing, or board games or something else you enjoy that you can do with other people and chat to them at the same time.

People tend to relax when they've got something that is a focal point, and don't feel as much of a need to keep people entertained, so it can be a lot less awkward then meetups that are purely designed around chatty type things.