At the end of the day.

[deathpixie]

Posts each end of the day. Apropos, really. :)

A so-so day today. I got email from Doc Benway, which was good, although he won't be able to make Dexcon this year, more's the pity. I also sent luba what I've done of "Justice", becaus eher puppy eyes are so hard to resist, damnit! :) And I spent a fair whack of time in chat, which was good and bad. Good because I got to talk to folks, bad because it was a lovely day outside and I should have been out there enjoying it. :P Curse the chat people for being so interesting!

Actually, I'm glad I logged on. I got to talk to folks I haven't "seen" for a while, like Mitai and Shai, and not have to rush off. Although the initial conversation about my breasts was rather disconcerting. And when I started feeling a bit down after an entirely innocent remark on someone's behalf, Raph and Tai cheered me up. Enough to go out and practice escrima kata, any way. It's a good thing the kata are right-handed, since my left shoulder is grouchy - bruised and clicking a bit when I move it. My guess is that it took the brunt of the fall yesterday. The neck's better now, 'though.

I'm not sure how I feel at the moment. Not happy, but not out-and-out depressed either. Sorta melancholy and regretful. Like I was saying to Raph, it's my 31st birthday in three days and what have I to show for it? Not much in terms of career or marriage or kids (god forbid I should have the last!), when the people I went to school and university have all that and the house in the suburbs. Or they're like Alex, working overseas and having a wonderful time... I think. It's been an awfully long time between emails, and I'm tired of sending out messages that never get answered. We were best friends through university, balanced each other out, but that seems to have fallen by the wayside like so much else. I just feel like I've accomplished so little. True, I have the writing, but, no offence, it's small fry.

When I was a kid, I had so much ambition. Now I'm starting to wonder where that all went.

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[nisie.livejournal.com]

I've got my ten year high school reunion coming up in a few months, and I'm not looking forward to it at all. In part because what I haven't done- gotten married, had kids, have a great job. And because I know a lot of these people have done that. It's a hard part of life, when you're confronted with what you thought your life would be like isn't so.