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It's been a good day. A very good day, despite starting off sluggishly, with various clumsinesses.
Today (after a detour to the library, so I could renew my books) was the day to visit Albury (the other half of the Twin Cities, over the Murray River in New South Wales) where all the good shops are. Like the music shops. *huge grin* I GOT THE NEW NEIL FINN CD!! And it's GOOD!!! (mostly - it's one of those ones that require multiple plays to get the hang of, which is good, because I won't get bored with it) Hutch, you have to get this one - if you can't get it in the US, let me know, and I'll get you a copy. :)
There's a really cool writing-type song; "Driving Me Mad". Since it's my journal, I'm going to quote the lyrics, so there. ;P
Deadlines again
Feel like hiding out
No sign of comfort yet.
Have a nap while no-one's looking,
Bring some inspiration to the man
In my head:
A namesake out of reach.
Strange days upon us now
We leave the dust of conversation
Hanging in the light above the bed;
Leave me now,
Cos tonight it's driving me mad.
I guess I'll be all right
But tonight it's driving me mad.
Year after year
Demons always come
Fail to materialise
Way beyond my understanding.
Find my only comfort in your hands;
Hold me now
Cos tonight it's driving me mad.
This dream can fill you up,
But tonight it's driving me mad.
Hey diamond girl
Restless in my head
Say what lies between us.
A host of everyday distractions,
But most of all it's music taking me
It's driving me mad.
Still I can't refuse
Even when it's driving me mad
I guess i'll be all right
When tomorrow brings some relief.
This dream can fill you up,
So put it out and find what's underneath.
Exchange 'music' for 'stories' and you've pretty much got it. ;)
We also found the comic shop, although after closing hours (2pm on Saturday), thanks to me forgetting the address and needing to find a phone book to look it up again. At least we had a good lunch in the bookshop cafe - I love those. You can buy a book, and then read it over coffee. No books today, but I did snag a copy of "Bladerunner: The Director's Cut" on video. Yeah, on video. I can't afford a DVD player, so sue me. The comic place (Alpha Omega Comics) has a big sale (50% off old stuff) starting the weekend after next, so I'll be making a return visit. Besides, Issue 6 of 'Midnight Nation' should be out.
That's my spending for a while - I've been pretty good lately, and I've 'almost sorta decided' to try to get to DexCon again this year. As Yasmin says, I deserve a break. *hugs Yas* Thanks, mate. BRM is actually pretty cool with the idea - his new role as "friend and housemate" has him deciding he can't tell me how to use my money or spend my time, which is a relief of sorts. I don't feel I have to try and live up to his expectations all the time.
We had another talk about stuff, over the course of the half-day. Difficult when you're on a bike in traffic, but we're old hands at that. He's still trying to work out if he's "throwing the baby out with the bathwater" - his expression, not mine. He's not sure whether he feels better because of the medication, or because he doesn't have the pressure of being half of a couple; if it's the former, then maybe the latter wasn't the problem. I'm not sure I want to go back to the way we were; I'd always be waiting for him to get dissatisfied again. *sighs* Damn, this is so bloody complicated, this being civilised business.
One thing we did talk about that was interesting - actually most of our conversation today has been interesting - was the impermenance of memory. Because human memory is organic, it changes over time as brain chemistry and structure changes. And the mood you were in at the time of the memory being formed also is a factor - your impressions of a particular incident are coloured by your emotional state, both then and upon recall.
BRM's example. He remembers things differently now, to when he was depressed (and he's been depressed for most of the last ten years, at least, due to his family problems), and isn't sure of whether the things he remembers feeling then are reliable or not, because the way he thinks has changed. Your emotional state colours your percepotions of an event, and the meanings you attach to it. So if you're depressed, good things happen to rub your nose in it, and bad things happen to validate your view of the world. But later, when you're not depressed, you may look back and see the good things as signs of hope, and shrug the bad things off as 'shit happening'. That's why reading old diaries is strange - your emotional standpoint has changed from the time you wrote the entry, and while you may remember the event described, it won't be remembered the same way.
It's a good thing, I think. To have memories like a computer, the information sealed in a bubble of time, never-changing, would mean that we could never progress, never evolve. We may wish that things wouldn't change, but that's a dangerous wish. When we remain unchanging, we stagnate. We hold ourselves back, leave ourselves at the same emotional level we were when events happened. That's why burying things is so bad... and so useless, in the end. Because until you 'deal' with events, you can never progress, and they'll work their way out eventually any way. Better to get it dealt with, and move on, although that's a damn easy thing to say. It took me ten years to finally exorcise the ghosts of my high school experiences. :P But now I can look back, and those memories have no power to hurt me any more.
I'm probably not saying anything new - most of my philosophising runs along the 'bleeding obvious' road. Just talking about this stuff makes it easier to think about. And give me more space in my little head. ;)
Today (after a detour to the library, so I could renew my books) was the day to visit Albury (the other half of the Twin Cities, over the Murray River in New South Wales) where all the good shops are. Like the music shops. *huge grin* I GOT THE NEW NEIL FINN CD!! And it's GOOD!!! (mostly - it's one of those ones that require multiple plays to get the hang of, which is good, because I won't get bored with it) Hutch, you have to get this one - if you can't get it in the US, let me know, and I'll get you a copy. :)
There's a really cool writing-type song; "Driving Me Mad". Since it's my journal, I'm going to quote the lyrics, so there. ;P
Deadlines again
Feel like hiding out
No sign of comfort yet.
Have a nap while no-one's looking,
Bring some inspiration to the man
In my head:
A namesake out of reach.
Strange days upon us now
We leave the dust of conversation
Hanging in the light above the bed;
Leave me now,
Cos tonight it's driving me mad.
I guess I'll be all right
But tonight it's driving me mad.
Year after year
Demons always come
Fail to materialise
Way beyond my understanding.
Find my only comfort in your hands;
Hold me now
Cos tonight it's driving me mad.
This dream can fill you up,
But tonight it's driving me mad.
Hey diamond girl
Restless in my head
Say what lies between us.
A host of everyday distractions,
But most of all it's music taking me
It's driving me mad.
Still I can't refuse
Even when it's driving me mad
I guess i'll be all right
When tomorrow brings some relief.
This dream can fill you up,
So put it out and find what's underneath.
Exchange 'music' for 'stories' and you've pretty much got it. ;)
We also found the comic shop, although after closing hours (2pm on Saturday), thanks to me forgetting the address and needing to find a phone book to look it up again. At least we had a good lunch in the bookshop cafe - I love those. You can buy a book, and then read it over coffee. No books today, but I did snag a copy of "Bladerunner: The Director's Cut" on video. Yeah, on video. I can't afford a DVD player, so sue me. The comic place (Alpha Omega Comics) has a big sale (50% off old stuff) starting the weekend after next, so I'll be making a return visit. Besides, Issue 6 of 'Midnight Nation' should be out.
That's my spending for a while - I've been pretty good lately, and I've 'almost sorta decided' to try to get to DexCon again this year. As Yasmin says, I deserve a break. *hugs Yas* Thanks, mate. BRM is actually pretty cool with the idea - his new role as "friend and housemate" has him deciding he can't tell me how to use my money or spend my time, which is a relief of sorts. I don't feel I have to try and live up to his expectations all the time.
We had another talk about stuff, over the course of the half-day. Difficult when you're on a bike in traffic, but we're old hands at that. He's still trying to work out if he's "throwing the baby out with the bathwater" - his expression, not mine. He's not sure whether he feels better because of the medication, or because he doesn't have the pressure of being half of a couple; if it's the former, then maybe the latter wasn't the problem. I'm not sure I want to go back to the way we were; I'd always be waiting for him to get dissatisfied again. *sighs* Damn, this is so bloody complicated, this being civilised business.
One thing we did talk about that was interesting - actually most of our conversation today has been interesting - was the impermenance of memory. Because human memory is organic, it changes over time as brain chemistry and structure changes. And the mood you were in at the time of the memory being formed also is a factor - your impressions of a particular incident are coloured by your emotional state, both then and upon recall.
BRM's example. He remembers things differently now, to when he was depressed (and he's been depressed for most of the last ten years, at least, due to his family problems), and isn't sure of whether the things he remembers feeling then are reliable or not, because the way he thinks has changed. Your emotional state colours your percepotions of an event, and the meanings you attach to it. So if you're depressed, good things happen to rub your nose in it, and bad things happen to validate your view of the world. But later, when you're not depressed, you may look back and see the good things as signs of hope, and shrug the bad things off as 'shit happening'. That's why reading old diaries is strange - your emotional standpoint has changed from the time you wrote the entry, and while you may remember the event described, it won't be remembered the same way.
It's a good thing, I think. To have memories like a computer, the information sealed in a bubble of time, never-changing, would mean that we could never progress, never evolve. We may wish that things wouldn't change, but that's a dangerous wish. When we remain unchanging, we stagnate. We hold ourselves back, leave ourselves at the same emotional level we were when events happened. That's why burying things is so bad... and so useless, in the end. Because until you 'deal' with events, you can never progress, and they'll work their way out eventually any way. Better to get it dealt with, and move on, although that's a damn easy thing to say. It took me ten years to finally exorcise the ghosts of my high school experiences. :P But now I can look back, and those memories have no power to hurt me any more.
I'm probably not saying anything new - most of my philosophising runs along the 'bleeding obvious' road. Just talking about this stuff makes it easier to think about. And give me more space in my little head. ;)
