*laughing* Gold star for the Doqzling. One of my metaphysical wanker-trips, a bad habit of mine when I'm bored adn depressed. Thanks for the wake-up. :)
Actually, one thing I meant to add but didn't, which explains the "true self" comment, is the feeling that sometimes the many masks I wear pigeonhole me into a persona or personas that don't allow me the freedom to show certain feelings, or behave in a certain way. At the moment, there's a definite lean towards me being the "strong" one, the one who copes with crises and is always cheerful in the face of crap. Not a good thing, because when I do feel bad, or angry, or whatever, I get this feeling of guilt, that I'm not living up to expectations - my own and other people's. Not that I feel I have to please everyone, but the opinions of my family and friends are important, and there are certain people who have the ability to hurt me a great deal by thinking badly of me. This had happened, the day before this post, and I was feeling frustrated, because I wanted to be angry and irrational, and it was deemed to be "un-Jo-like" to be so. *grfs* Stupid, I know, but sometimes being irrational is like that. You think stupid things. Only problem with LJ is, other people read them.;)
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Re: Masks, schmasks:)
Date: 2001-05-23 03:50 am (UTC)Actually, one thing I meant to add but didn't, which explains the "true self" comment, is the feeling that sometimes the many masks I wear pigeonhole me into a persona or personas that don't allow me the freedom to show certain feelings, or behave in a certain way. At the moment, there's a definite lean towards me being the "strong" one, the one who copes with crises and is always cheerful in the face of crap. Not a good thing, because when I do feel bad, or angry, or whatever, I get this feeling of guilt, that I'm not living up to expectations - my own and other people's. Not that I feel I have to please everyone, but the opinions of my family and friends are important, and there are certain people who have the ability to hurt me a great deal by thinking badly of me. This had happened, the day before this post, and I was feeling frustrated, because I wanted to be angry and irrational, and it was deemed to be "un-Jo-like" to be so. *grfs* Stupid, I know, but sometimes being irrational is like that. You think stupid things. Only problem with LJ is, other people read them.;)