deathpixie | Default Icon Story Meme

As seen in the LJs of [Bad username or site: @ livejournal.com] and [Bad username or site: @ livejournal.com], a story featuring my icon, which was designed for me by [Bad username or site: @ livejournal.com].

"So, just what are drop bears?"

It’s hard to suppress the grin. I take another sip of my beer and wait for the urge to laugh to subside. Another bar, another non-Australian, and the oldest joke in our armoury. Telling the drop bear story… it’s practically compulsory. To not try it on would be like Paul McDermott doing a show and not singing "Throw Your Arms Around Me".

"Drop bears? Well, you won’t hear much about them in the news – they don’t want to hurt the tourist trade. Besides, they’re pretty rare. You only get them in pretty remote areas."

It’s all about the timing. Lull them into believing you with a few "facts", then reel them in.

"That’s why you have to be careful when you’re camping – they live in regions where the forests are undisturbed, which are mostly our national parks. You really need to check the area where you pitch your tent, make sure they aren’t in the trees above you."

"Why’s that?" Yep, got this one – he’s looking at me with wide-eyed interest. "They poop on ya our something?" He chuckles, amused.

I shrug, having another mouthful of beer. "Not exactly. You see, drop bears are a cousin to koalas – they’ve got these long sharp claws that they use for climbing. But unlike koalas, when someone invades their territory, they drop on the person’s head and rip their faces off with their claws."

He sits back, startled by the emphasis I put on the last part. "No shit?"

"No shit," I tell him seriously, still keeping the straight face. It helps that I have a naturally innocent face. "Luckily it doesn’t happen often – more people are killed by crocs – but it’s bloody messy when it does happen. Not much you can do, either – once they get a hold on you, there’s no prising the bastards off."

"Woah." He drinks his beer, clearly impressed. "This is all true?"

Time to finish this. "No."

"What?"

"None of it’s true. I’ve been having you on."

"You what?"

"I’ve been pulling your leg." I start laughing at his expression. "Come on, really. Drop bears?"

"You were lying to me?"

"Only because it was funny." Beer finished, I catch the bartender’s eye and order another two. "Lies aren’t lies if they’re for a joke."

"Well, damn. You really had me fooled." He accepts the beer, grinning ruefully. "You Aussies are really something else, aren’t you?"

"If you say so. Hey, you ever hear about bunyips?"