Hear, hear, Rossi. If I think about it, it's been approximately 1 year, 2 months and a week since my first love relationship ended. If I *really* think about it, the love ended about nine months prior to that. So many things in my life have changed as a result of having once been in love and now dealing with the after-effects of it. I went through a dangerous cycle of freedom that could have ended up with me seriously hurt. I instantly mistrust anyone's interest in me; everything gets passed through the cynicism filter. I can't look at my male friends in the same way.
At the same time, I think I am doing "okay" as far as recovering. I keep making jokes about my recovery, but something tells me that I really do need to approach life after my first love the same way one does life after declaring themselves to be alcoholic. Limit exposure, change your behaviors, admit you have a problem. Sounds easy, ne? It really is harder than it looks. Believe me, I'm finding that out the hard way.
I do remember something Dex said once about 2 am snuggles being the best feeling in the entire world... that we go through the pain of relationships for the warmth and security of the 2 am snuggle. That's something I'm forever going to miss, and maybe something that I'm always going to cherish the most from any relationship I find myself in. That, and the companionship, and being able to go home and have someone waiting for you to hold you...
I'm romantic enough at heart to believe that love does exist. I'm realistic enough to believe that it can't last without basic fundamental strengths in a relationship. I'm romantic enough to believe that people who are different will find ways to compromise for love.
I was not in love enough to compromise. For that, I hope that Cupid and Aphrodite can forgive me.
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*raising the "bitter woman* goblet and toasts*
Date: 2001-09-06 06:25 pm (UTC)At the same time, I think I am doing "okay" as far as recovering. I keep making jokes about my recovery, but something tells me that I really do need to approach life after my first love the same way one does life after declaring themselves to be alcoholic. Limit exposure, change your behaviors, admit you have a problem. Sounds easy, ne? It really is harder than it looks. Believe me, I'm finding that out the hard way.
I do remember something Dex said once about 2 am snuggles being the best feeling in the entire world... that we go through the pain of relationships for the warmth and security of the 2 am snuggle. That's something I'm forever going to miss, and maybe something that I'm always going to cherish the most from any relationship I find myself in. That, and the companionship, and being able to go home and have someone waiting for you to hold you...
I'm romantic enough at heart to believe that love does exist. I'm realistic enough to believe that it can't last without basic fundamental strengths in a relationship. I'm romantic enough to believe that people who are different will find ways to compromise for love.
I was not in love enough to compromise. For that, I hope that Cupid and Aphrodite can forgive me.