You've got to laugh...
Sep. 7th, 2001 10:42 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
deathpixie*chuckling wryly* That'll teach me to be complacent. Fate, Murphy, God, whatever, I've got to admire your sense of timing - sometimes you look at things and can't help but see the irony of it all.
Okay, enough babbling, let me explain. I got a phone call early this morning, from Michael.
He told me he didn't think it was a good idea for us to keep seeing each other.
*shakes head, still chuckling* You see the joke? A day after my post about love and realtionships, and this happens. I can't blame him - in fact, I'm kinda relieved, because I was starting to feel dishonest, like I was using him for sex and a place to stay in Melbourne - and I can't be angry or disappointed. That would imply more emotional attachment than I had, which makes me sound awful, I know. But it's true - I was fond of him, in much the same way I'm fond of my less-close friends - but that was it. We both knew it, and it wasn't fair on him to let him keep hanging like that. I hope he finds someone who can give him the commitment, the feeling, that he deserves, because he is a very nice bloke.
See, that's the problem. I meet very nice blokes - not that often, but occasionally - and I flirt with them, maybe let things go further, if I feel the need... but I can't seem to feel anything more than affection. It's not their fault. And the ones who do seem to engender that spark, they're usually out-of-bounds. I could be analytical about this and point out that it's a defensive mechanism, not letting myself feel anything for the ones I do have a chance with, and only feeling for the ones I can't have - curse those damn psychology classes! - but it still doesn't change things. I suppose time will do that. But I still have enough of a conscience to feel badly for the ones I lead on, because it's not their fault I can't feel anything.
Guess I'm going to have to hand in my bunny-wrangling licence. I'm just not cut out for it.
Y'know, this is the equivalent of a karmic whoopee-cushion. *shakes head again* Ah well, I'm off to scramble up somewhere to stay in Melbourne tonight.
Okay, enough babbling, let me explain. I got a phone call early this morning, from Michael.
He told me he didn't think it was a good idea for us to keep seeing each other.
*shakes head, still chuckling* You see the joke? A day after my post about love and realtionships, and this happens. I can't blame him - in fact, I'm kinda relieved, because I was starting to feel dishonest, like I was using him for sex and a place to stay in Melbourne - and I can't be angry or disappointed. That would imply more emotional attachment than I had, which makes me sound awful, I know. But it's true - I was fond of him, in much the same way I'm fond of my less-close friends - but that was it. We both knew it, and it wasn't fair on him to let him keep hanging like that. I hope he finds someone who can give him the commitment, the feeling, that he deserves, because he is a very nice bloke.
See, that's the problem. I meet very nice blokes - not that often, but occasionally - and I flirt with them, maybe let things go further, if I feel the need... but I can't seem to feel anything more than affection. It's not their fault. And the ones who do seem to engender that spark, they're usually out-of-bounds. I could be analytical about this and point out that it's a defensive mechanism, not letting myself feel anything for the ones I do have a chance with, and only feeling for the ones I can't have - curse those damn psychology classes! - but it still doesn't change things. I suppose time will do that. But I still have enough of a conscience to feel badly for the ones I lead on, because it's not their fault I can't feel anything.
Guess I'm going to have to hand in my bunny-wrangling licence. I'm just not cut out for it.
Y'know, this is the equivalent of a karmic whoopee-cushion. *shakes head again* Ah well, I'm off to scramble up somewhere to stay in Melbourne tonight.
