Because a lot of times, people who are on the outside don't understand it nearly as well as someone who is suffering from it. No matter how many books someone reads, its always hard to understand.
One of the reasons I linked to the post - I've found that while people try to understand, it's difficult to do so if they can't actually get a handle on the experience itself. A lot of the time, people equate depression with being sad, and thus it'll end in time - it's far more pervasive than that and as I found out, it doesn't go away by itself, or even with counselling. If anything, my counselling made things worse.
Suicidal ideation, where you get caught in a loop of thinking about suicide, is a symptom of depression. Having those thoughts doesn't automatically mean you're going to kill yourself, but it does increase the risk and if you don't do anything about it, that risk increases even more. It was this sort of thing that prompted my to go on medication - not a day went by in Feb-April last year where I didn't think in some form that being dead would be easier. When it got to actual planning, I knew I needed more help that I was already getting.
I know being this honest about my depression makes me vulnerable. I'm already having issues at work with my new manager, who doesn't seem to understand it and who uses guilt to try and make me 'pull myself together' (this, btw, is a really bad thing to do to me. I have an overblown guilt complex already). I am fully aware there are people out there who will just assume I'm attention-seeking, who will use admitted buttons to try and make me back down from something. I know this because it's happened. But I think it's important that I am honest about it, if only so people do understand what it is.
I'm not an invalid. I'm not weak, or broken. Considering the stressors that are in my life right now, I'm doing remarkably well, better than I have in a long time. And that alone is proof that I'm getting better, even without actual counselling atm.
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Date: 2009-02-11 05:30 pm (UTC)One of the reasons I linked to the post - I've found that while people try to understand, it's difficult to do so if they can't actually get a handle on the experience itself. A lot of the time, people equate depression with being sad, and thus it'll end in time - it's far more pervasive than that and as I found out, it doesn't go away by itself, or even with counselling. If anything, my counselling made things worse.
Suicidal ideation, where you get caught in a loop of thinking about suicide, is a symptom of depression. Having those thoughts doesn't automatically mean you're going to kill yourself, but it does increase the risk and if you don't do anything about it, that risk increases even more. It was this sort of thing that prompted my to go on medication - not a day went by in Feb-April last year where I didn't think in some form that being dead would be easier. When it got to actual planning, I knew I needed more help that I was already getting.
I know being this honest about my depression makes me vulnerable. I'm already having issues at work with my new manager, who doesn't seem to understand it and who uses guilt to try and make me 'pull myself together' (this, btw, is a really bad thing to do to me. I have an overblown guilt complex already). I am fully aware there are people out there who will just assume I'm attention-seeking, who will use admitted buttons to try and make me back down from something. I know this because it's happened. But I think it's important that I am honest about it, if only so people do understand what it is.
I'm not an invalid. I'm not weak, or broken. Considering the stressors that are in my life right now, I'm doing remarkably well, better than I have in a long time. And that alone is proof that I'm getting better, even without actual counselling atm.