Saying goodbye...
Dec. 15th, 2001 01:02 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
deathpixieDinner went well, although there wasn't a lot of talk as we were both exhausted. ONly now I'm so tired I can't sleep. Or it could be the wine with dinner - I find too much wine makes me wired.
Any way, like I said, it went well. BRM had made risotto, which he knows I love, and salad, and I had he first substantial meal I've had for a few days. And we talked, about this and that, about his job prospects and how daunted he is by his uncertain future, about my travelling plans and why I'm leaving the Department of Justice when I get back, about having kids, about futures not to be... Like the title says, in a way, it was a goodbye. It was strange, and a little sad, and good, too, because this is how I prefer to remember him, not as the selfish, self-absorbed person who consistently tromped all over my feelings and who found fault with everything I did, but as the kind, intelligent person who makes me laugh and gives such comforting hugs.
We probably won't see too much of each other until after New Year's - he's going to his family's for Christmas, down near Melbourne, but before that has job interviews in various parts of Victoria. And then he's hoping to go to Tasmania for New Year's with Greta and Dhugal and Meg, all cycling-related friends. All the more reason to haul arse to Brisbane. ;) Then, depending on his work situation, he'll be moving out - I did say he could stay on until he found somewhere, because really, he has nowhere else to go. He can't live with his parents without going totally insane (and I wouldn't inflict that situation on my worst enemy, living with his mother), and until he's working he has not the money to live anywhere else. I'm drawing the line at supporting him again - I have plans for my wages next year that don't include supporting two adults.
I think, tonight, we finally let go. It doesn't matter what happens now, because we've both finally accepted that it's over. BRM's seen me getting on with my life, and realised that I don't need him any more, and that he has no claims on my life. And I've done the same - I'll always wish him well, and hope he finds his place in life, but I'm not going to spend my life regretting what might have been and using it as an excuse for everything. Which regular readers of my journal will be pleased to hear, seeing how they've had their ears bashed about this so bloody often. ;)
Hmm, wine's wearing off, I think I'll totter off to bed.
Any way, like I said, it went well. BRM had made risotto, which he knows I love, and salad, and I had he first substantial meal I've had for a few days. And we talked, about this and that, about his job prospects and how daunted he is by his uncertain future, about my travelling plans and why I'm leaving the Department of Justice when I get back, about having kids, about futures not to be... Like the title says, in a way, it was a goodbye. It was strange, and a little sad, and good, too, because this is how I prefer to remember him, not as the selfish, self-absorbed person who consistently tromped all over my feelings and who found fault with everything I did, but as the kind, intelligent person who makes me laugh and gives such comforting hugs.
We probably won't see too much of each other until after New Year's - he's going to his family's for Christmas, down near Melbourne, but before that has job interviews in various parts of Victoria. And then he's hoping to go to Tasmania for New Year's with Greta and Dhugal and Meg, all cycling-related friends. All the more reason to haul arse to Brisbane. ;) Then, depending on his work situation, he'll be moving out - I did say he could stay on until he found somewhere, because really, he has nowhere else to go. He can't live with his parents without going totally insane (and I wouldn't inflict that situation on my worst enemy, living with his mother), and until he's working he has not the money to live anywhere else. I'm drawing the line at supporting him again - I have plans for my wages next year that don't include supporting two adults.
I think, tonight, we finally let go. It doesn't matter what happens now, because we've both finally accepted that it's over. BRM's seen me getting on with my life, and realised that I don't need him any more, and that he has no claims on my life. And I've done the same - I'll always wish him well, and hope he finds his place in life, but I'm not going to spend my life regretting what might have been and using it as an excuse for everything. Which regular readers of my journal will be pleased to hear, seeing how they've had their ears bashed about this so bloody often. ;)
Hmm, wine's wearing off, I think I'll totter off to bed.
