Very good question. One I've been pondering before answering.
On the one hand, I believe not everyone you know has to be learned through experience. There's a lot that _can't_ be learned through experience. And sometimes not havinng gone through something gives the person giving the advice/statement a sense of objectivity that I might not have. Sometimes it's good to have that viewpoint, especially when you're so caught up in something you can't see straight.
On the other hand, there's a certain feeling of connection, of understanding, when talking with someone who has had similar experiences. There's some things, no matter how much empathy and book-learning you have, you can't understand unless you've been through.
I'll listen to what people have to say, always. If I think they're wrong because of lack of knowledge, I might gently correct them. If I think they just can't know what it's like, I'll keep that thought to myself and take said advice with a grain of salt - it's not their fault they haven't had the experience, and there's some things I wouldn't wish on anyone. Just as there's some things I haven't experienced myself, and hope to never have to. If I need that 'been there too' kind of talk, I'll seek it out, but I won't completely ignore what others say simply on the grounds they haven't done it themselves. Like I said, sometimes an objective perspective helps.
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Date: 2002-05-17 06:32 pm (UTC)Very good question. One I've been pondering before answering.
On the one hand, I believe not everyone you know has to be learned through experience. There's a lot that _can't_ be learned through experience. And sometimes not havinng gone through something gives the person giving the advice/statement a sense of objectivity that I might not have. Sometimes it's good to have that viewpoint, especially when you're so caught up in something you can't see straight.
On the other hand, there's a certain feeling of connection, of understanding, when talking with someone who has had similar experiences. There's some things, no matter how much empathy and book-learning you have, you can't understand unless you've been through.
I'll listen to what people have to say, always. If I think they're wrong because of lack of knowledge, I might gently correct them. If I think they just can't know what it's like, I'll keep that thought to myself and take said advice with a grain of salt - it's not their fault they haven't had the experience, and there's some things I wouldn't wish on anyone. Just as there's some things I haven't experienced myself, and hope to never have to. If I need that 'been there too' kind of talk, I'll seek it out, but I won't completely ignore what others say simply on the grounds they haven't done it themselves. Like I said, sometimes an objective perspective helps.