Space filler on the way to doing other stuff...

A survey! Hoiked from Matt's journal, created by Chameleon.


What fandom(s) do you read/write in?

Comics, specifically Marvel mutants, Vertigo, and Midnight Nation. Also have a total of one Buffy fic to my name.


What characters do you prefer to read about?

Well-drawn ones. :) Seriously, I'll read a wide range of fic, provided it's well-written. I'll usually cheak out any TCPs, tho', having a soft spot for the genre.


What was the first story you read/wrote/posted?

Read: Don't exactly recall, but probably "Faith and Dreams" by Valerie Jones - I was a bigger X-Files fan than I was a comics fan at that stage.


Wrote: An unnamed "Mary Sue joins GenX" fic that has since been ceremoniously trashed and the hardcopy notes recycled.


Posted: "Road Rage", a TCP about a cyclist with the mutant power to make people violently car sick.


Who/What is your favorite...

Author? Hell, you want me to name one? Impossible - Doc Benway, Amanda Sichter and Dark Mark will be read regardless of the topic; Andraste and Dyce are also guaranteed reading, Xander has put out some excellent stuff in the last few months - "Hellblazer" and the Hellfire Club? Whoo. :)


Single story? "X-Manson" by Doc Benway: I didn't read this until maybe six months after it had been written, and it blew me away, the whole concept...


Story arc? Dyce's Movieverse Annie stories. Cute, but also with some amazing insights and some very funny lines.


Archive? luba's "Fonts of Pryde and Wisdom", for good-quality fic. And the Itty Bitty Archives, for much the same reason. :)


Mailing List?Outside the Lines, and the Subreality Mailing List for my SC fix. Although I still lament the passing of Doqz's Subreality Times.


How do you feel about...

Slash? As long as it fulfills my normal "good fic" criteria (good plot, good characterisation, interesting story), I don't mind who's boinking whom. I have been known to read the odd PWP, but I quickly get bored - smut in any form needs to be central to the plot for me.


Stories featuring real people? I'm not really into the whole celebrity fic thing - most of the time the celebrities are so two-dimensional, they have no characterisation in real life, let alone fic. I do remember a very good Magneto story featuring Anne Frank... that was well done.


Subreality?*grins* I'm a card-carrying Be-Mused member. I love the idea of Subreality, and there's some truly great fic out there, although I will admit of late the quality has dropped off. Must be time for me to stir things up again.


Shared universes? Shadowlands is pretty much the only shared universe I've read much of, and I think that it's a great fusion of writers and creative ideas. There has to be a certain amount of restriction, I think, on these kinds of projects, a certian amount of editorial control, otherwise it goes to pot faster than a SCRR open round robin. ;)


Round Robins? I cut my writing teeth on SC round robins, so I'll always approve of them. They give you the chance to exercise your skills with a group of taltented people. I do think, however, that in recent times, things have gotten decidedly stale - there's a lot of re-hashing of previous plots, a certain lack of originality. I have to admit a certain preference to semi-closed RRs - it's easier to get the plots happening when there's not a cast of thousands. But without the open RRs, new talent isn't recognised, so the open boards have their place too. Just don't expect me to join in quite so much these days.

Meditations on the nature of love.

Love can suffer hardship
Love is tough and kind
Love is never envious
Or puffed up with pride
Love is always truthful
Love is never stale
Love is always hopeful
And never dreams that it can fail.

"Love Is The Law" - Paul Kelly …nothing but a dream.

I've been thinking a lot about love lately. Why it's so important to people. Why we spend our lives searching for it. The concept that there is a 'perfect one' for everyone. And why it seems that you aren't complete as a person unless you're with someone.

The media and popular culture are steeped in images of love and romance. It's impossible to listen to the radio (or a CD) without hearing tales of love found and love lost. Books, television, movies… we're told right from the beginning that love conquers all, that some day our prince (or princess) will come. We're encouraged to dress to attract the opposite sex, given lessons on how to keep that interest, and advice on how to save a relationship on the rocks, or how to pick yourself up and try again if that fails. Scientists make studies of hormones and pheromones and brain wave patterns, trying to define just why people are attracted to each other, and how that can be replicated. There's a hell of a lot of energy and resources and time expended on love.

See, I have some problems with the idea that love conquers all. I think it's a dangerous fiction, misleading people into believing that if they have love, everything will work out fine. In the movies, sure, that's true. But in the real world, love isn't enough. There needs to be trust, and compromise, and respect and equality in a relationship. There needs to be work, and sometimes even then, things don't work out. Perhaps the increase in divorce rates is a reflection of the way people have their expectations dashed in the face of reality - they meet, they fall in love, they marry (or co-habitate) all under a fuzzy pink cloud of romance. Then things start intruding; she works late a lot, he has family demands, there are bills and illnesses and boring, mundane everyday things. And the fuzziness starts wearing from the relationship, and they realise that maybe love isn't enough, that another person can't 'rescue' you from your old life and make everything all better.

…Suddenly my life doesn't seem such a waste
It all revolves around you.

"Come What May" Nicole Kidman & Ewan McGregor Moulin Rouge Soundtrack

*shudders* Maybe it's just me, but I find this sort of thing really disturbing. The idea of living for someone else… again, it's all wonderfully romantic, but it's a terrible thing, to have so little regard for yourself that you have to identify as part of another person. And of course, it's guaranteed to fail, because that's not a healthy relationship. It becomes boring and insular, and the dominant person can get tired of the responsibility of being responsible for the other's happiness, and the submissive person basically loses whatever spark it was that they had that attracted their lover in the first place.

Now by this stage, my readers are probably shaking their heads and saying, "Poor Rossi, she's gotten all bitter and cynical after her relationship ended." And maybe that's partly true - even seven months on, I still have moments of anger and hurt. Understandable, given the amount of time we were together. But I find it interesting that people tell me that I'll find someone else, my 'one', and then I'll be happy. Because one of the things I found after BRM and I broke up is how liberating it felt to be single - I'm free to be myself, as I want to be, without worrying about what the other person will think. There are no ties; if I want to travel, it's just a matter of saving up and going. I don't have to check plans or have things sprung on me because he forgot to tell me. I can go out and flirt and laugh and dance and drink and not worry about whether I'm embarrassing anyone except myself.

I know that not all relationships are as restrictive as mine turned out to be. But it took me ages to realise just how much I'd changed during that time, how much of my personality I'd repressed. And then I got angry, not at BRM, but at myself: why on earth had I'd been so stupid and so passive, to allow myself to get into and stay in such a situation? The reason? Because I was in love, and love conquers all. Love forgives all. Love is about making sacrifices and providing support and all that other stuff. Love finds a way.

And that's why I don't like the ideals of love that we're fed. Because I believed in them, and wasted years of my life, hanging onto something that should have ended, a year ago, two years ago, even five years ago. I can't believe that there is a 'one' hanging around out there for me, because I thought BRM was that 'one', and I was wrong. I don't want to fall in love again, because when I do love someone, it's a total commitment; they get all of me, and I don't want to lose myself again.

But I also don't want to be alone. Because I have been alone, these past seven months, and it hurts almost as much as the break-up did. It's more than just sex - sex I can get relatively easily, if I want it. I can just go down to Melbourne and stay with Michael. I have a number of male friends who are happy to oblige, when geography coincides. It's the companionship I need, the comfortable feeling of just being with someone. But I know I can't have that unless I'm willing to let myself love again, and I'm not sure I can do that, even if I do find the right person. Which I haven't - I have the worst luck with men. The ones I can get aren't the right ones, like Michael; the ones who do feel right are usually off-limits for various reasons, like my friend Ben. I know it hasn't been long, that I'm still healing, but it's something that I don't seem to be able to escape thinking about. Everywhere I go, I get 'told' that a person without love you're nothing, you're not whole. I'm not waiting for a knight in shining armour to come and rescue me - I'm just looking for someone who will love me, and who I can trust to love in return.

See, this is the conundrum. This is why I give people such mixed signals. I don't want to believe that love is all-important, that love is the be all and end all. But I'm also a hopeless romantic, in my own fashion. I want to believe that I will find someone one day, but even if I do, I'm afraid of making myself vulnerable again. So I try and make myself strong by telling myself that it doesn't matter, that I'm better off being my own person, that friends and casual sex will give me what I need. But I'm not fooling anyone, you or myself. It is important. I just wish I could figure out why.

Totem Animal Quiz.

Your totem animal is the EAGLE. You may find that these regal birds appear in your dreams. If they haven't yet, look out for them as from now - as they're trying, by example, to teach you a thing or two. You're a brisk, efficient and strong person: you aim to be one of life's high-fliers and don't stand for any nonsense from anyone. You're not into money and are probably creative, mystical and have a genuine interest in other people's lives and cultures. You're a cool, nonjudgmental, broadminded mate - and much in demand because of it! In life, you're destined to travel and to heal.

*chuckles* This probably explains the urge to perch up on high things that freaked everyone at Niagra Falls.

These things are Evil, I tell you...

The Glam Rock Star Name generator came up with these gems:

Tasty Fantasy (using my real name)
Adrenaline Animal (using my nick)

Dex, Matt, you can stop the sniggering now. :P