You've got to laugh...

*chuckling wryly* That'll teach me to be complacent. Fate, Murphy, God, whatever, I've got to admire your sense of timing - sometimes you look at things and can't help but see the irony of it all.

Okay, enough babbling, let me explain. I got a phone call early this morning, from Michael.

He told me he didn't think it was a good idea for us to keep seeing each other.

*shakes head, still chuckling* You see the joke? A day after my post about love and realtionships, and this happens. I can't blame him - in fact, I'm kinda relieved, because I was starting to feel dishonest, like I was using him for sex and a place to stay in Melbourne - and I can't be angry or disappointed. That would imply more emotional attachment than I had, which makes me sound awful, I know. But it's true - I was fond of him, in much the same way I'm fond of my less-close friends - but that was it. We both knew it, and it wasn't fair on him to let him keep hanging like that. I hope he finds someone who can give him the commitment, the feeling, that he deserves, because he is a very nice bloke.

See, that's the problem. I meet very nice blokes - not that often, but occasionally - and I flirt with them, maybe let things go further, if I feel the need... but I can't seem to feel anything more than affection. It's not their fault. And the ones who do seem to engender that spark, they're usually out-of-bounds. I could be analytical about this and point out that it's a defensive mechanism, not letting myself feel anything for the ones I do have a chance with, and only feeling for the ones I can't have - curse those damn psychology classes! - but it still doesn't change things. I suppose time will do that. But I still have enough of a conscience to feel badly for the ones I lead on, because it's not their fault I can't feel anything.

Guess I'm going to have to hand in my bunny-wrangling licence. I'm just not cut out for it.

Y'know, this is the equivalent of a karmic whoopee-cushion. *shakes head again* Ah well, I'm off to scramble up somewhere to stay in Melbourne tonight.

All set.

I've made arrangements for a place to stay, and I've checked the karate club website and discovered there's an escrima training on Saturday morning, 9-11, which fits in nicely with my plans with Yasmin and Andraste. Yas, I'm not snubbing you by not asking to stay with you, it's just horribly late notice and I didn't want to be a hassle, and your floor is, well, a floor. *grins* I'm getting too damn old to be sleeping on floors, not without bringing my camping stuff anyway. Besides, I'm not getting into Melbourne until around 11 tonight, which would be another hassle. So it's Hotel BakPak for me.

Apologies to all who read my journal. I know I've been terribly self-absorbed and rather angsty of late, and it's getting boring. I'm bored with it. But I'm not really in a happy fluffy mood at the moment, so if I don't post for a few days, not to worry. I'm not dead, only resting. ;) Or rather, giving you lot a rest. And myself, really - I think a bit of time off-line would probably do me good. No grand schemes for Things To Do, just me taking a break. I'll let you know how it goes.

*wry grin* I give me, oh, maybe two days, before I'm back at it again. And I will be answering email, eventually, same as always. ;)

That's it, I give up on today...

Can I just say the last twelve plus hours have completely sucked arse?

About five minutes after I left chat and my last entry, I went offline and went to get up so I could start orgainising myself. I'd been sitting with my foot underneath me, as is my wont, and the silly thing had gone to sleep without my noticing. Somehow I managed not to notice that the numb foot I was about to put my entire weight on wasn't actually flat on the floor, but sorta angled sideways. There was a very loud CRUNCH and I basically took out the entire ankle. BRM came in shortly afterwards to find me lying on the floor going 'ow' a lot.

I've iced it, and strapped it, and done the rest of the first aid-type stuff, and at least I can walk on it now. But it still hurts, quite a lot when I move it in certain directions. I feel like a complete and utter moron.

Added to that, the lift down to Melbourne tonight has been delayed. I had to call the hostel and cancel the booking I'd made for tonight. When I told BRM that I had hoped to go to escrima training in the morning, he told me I didn't have the right to complain, as I was the one without a car. I didn't bother pointing out to him that if I'd known earlier about the delay in transport, I would have made arrangements to catch the train down - the last one has already gone. No point: he doesn't give a rats about me or anything I want to do. I had to cook dinner tonight, because someone was checking their email and is the world's slowest typist. On a sprained ankle, no less.

Yas, Andraste, I will be there in time to meet you tomorrow morning, even if I have to drag myself down to the station at O-my-God AM and get the train. I'll miss training, but with the ankle, I doubt I'd have been able to go anyway. I can't say how pissed off I am about that.

I'm going to bed early - it's the only way I can be sure of surviving whatever the rest of this day from hell has in store.