Capitulating.

It's been over two weeks. It's getting to the point that I have a point of about fifteen minutes in the morning where I feel less-crappy, and then I make myself have a glass of juice and maybe eat something, and the feeling of being on the brink of vomiting (but never actually doing it, that would actually be welcome right now) comes back and lasts with me for the rest of the day. I'm eating, but small amounts. I'm staggering through my work days like a zombie, I'm dropping weight in a disturbing way and I can't focus on things for terribly long, as I either forget what I'm doing, can't think what it is I'm supposed to do or don't have the energy to do it. I'm depressed and teary most of the time because my blood sugar's in the toilet. And the roomie's had to shuffle me to bed a few times this week since I haven't had the energy to get off the couch.

Never have I felt so crappy for so long a time. No, it hasn't gotten better. But neither has it gotten worse, which would justify going to the ER and having something drastic done.

I called the medical clinic. My ultrasound results are there, and it's walk-in until 2:30pm. I've called in at work - three day work week, it's going to hurt the pay, but I can't really do much else - I'm going to go have a shower, try and eat some cereal, and then go down and find out what the deal is. I'm going to be asking about medication for the nausea, about prospects for this ever going away, about surgery even if there's no actual stones in there.

And until I actually come out and say otherwise, assume that no, I'm not feeling any better. I'm tired of feeling like shit, I'm tired of it being the only thing I can focus on and I'm tired of being boring and whining about it. So whilst I've been interacting as per normal, I also have little to no coping or management skills at the moment. Don't be surprised if I just fold up if there's something I can't deal with. Which, considering my current state, would be anything more than the basics. And I'm not even managing those terribly well.

Update on the health thingie.

So, again with the good news, bad news.

Good news. It's definitely not my gallbladder. Ultrasound was normal, which is reassuring in the sense I don't need anything taken out. And I'm able to take Gravol for the nausea, which is already helping in terms of me try and eat - you're much more likely to try if you don't feel like it's about to come back up again.

Bad news... Well, the doctor doesn't know what it is. Yay mystery illness again. I swear, this is my body's way of ambushing me after 30-odd years of near-perfect health. I've had blood tests taken, and an abdominal x-ray, and the waiting game begins again. Pain's still there, a bit sharper after all the prodding today, still kind of gassy and blargh. Oh, and Gravol knocks me out - I passed out for a couple of hours, although that might have been the sunbeam I was lying in.

It's been a lovely day today, weather-wise. If I had to have a day to run around doctor's offices and medical laboratories, today was perfect.

Tomorrow's another day. Here's hoping there's something in there that shows up with the latest round of tests, and there's something we can do.

*is loved*

Yay for Mindy. She came over and kept me company tonight. Plus, she made me tea and re-watched Ten Things I Hate About You with me and we had girly gossip. And she listened to me whinge.

We loves the Mindy.

Going to bed now. I'll catch up with logs in the morning?