Capitulating.

[deathpixie]

It's been over two weeks. It's getting to the point that I have a point of about fifteen minutes in the morning where I feel less-crappy, and then I make myself have a glass of juice and maybe eat something, and the feeling of being on the brink of vomiting (but never actually doing it, that would actually be welcome right now) comes back and lasts with me for the rest of the day. I'm eating, but small amounts. I'm staggering through my work days like a zombie, I'm dropping weight in a disturbing way and I can't focus on things for terribly long, as I either forget what I'm doing, can't think what it is I'm supposed to do or don't have the energy to do it. I'm depressed and teary most of the time because my blood sugar's in the toilet. And the roomie's had to shuffle me to bed a few times this week since I haven't had the energy to get off the couch.

Never have I felt so crappy for so long a time. No, it hasn't gotten better. But neither has it gotten worse, which would justify going to the ER and having something drastic done.

I called the medical clinic. My ultrasound results are there, and it's walk-in until 2:30pm. I've called in at work - three day work week, it's going to hurt the pay, but I can't really do much else - I'm going to go have a shower, try and eat some cereal, and then go down and find out what the deal is. I'm going to be asking about medication for the nausea, about prospects for this ever going away, about surgery even if there's no actual stones in there.

And until I actually come out and say otherwise, assume that no, I'm not feeling any better. I'm tired of feeling like shit, I'm tired of it being the only thing I can focus on and I'm tired of being boring and whining about it. So whilst I've been interacting as per normal, I also have little to no coping or management skills at the moment. Don't be surprised if I just fold up if there's something I can't deal with. Which, considering my current state, would be anything more than the basics. And I'm not even managing those terribly well.

Comments

[seraangel.livejournal.com]

*hugs* Will be crossing my fingers and toes for you that the doctor gives you some concrete news and it's something easily fixed.

[ferox.livejournal.com]

Okay, the log is in roomie's hands now; what else can I do? *beams at*

(Seriously, if they don't give you something more concrete today, they're gonna have a very tall, very angry Russianscott to deal with. This is not on, especially with how much pain you're in.)

Also, I know this is the weirdest suggestion, oh, ever, but if you end up getting nothing back from these morons? Can I make the really odd suggestion of asking the toronto comm? I don't frequent it enough to be positive that they're the same, but I know the Winnipeg version is filled with a ton of interesting ideas and views. I've gone their several times for city-personal advice -- where to looking for corset boning, good places for a first date, local doctor reviews -- and have always been met with intelligent replies.

...okay, it's Winnipeg, so it's sort of a cusp between intelligent and "I have nothing to say, so I'll make a joke" but still. It's an idea? If nothing else, it gives you something to do other than sitting and worrying.

[hopeness.livejournal.com]

If you don't get a satisfactory answer would you like B to ask his dad for advice on you getting a 2nd opinion?

[hopeness.livejournal.com]

Also - a few years ago I was having ulcer-y symptoms (med side-effects) and I couldn't eat much. B had me drinking Ensure. It's not the greatest stuff taste-wise but at least you know you're getting all your vitamins, etc. Or even meal-replacements like Slim-fast. They can be pricey but Shoppers just came out with a Life version that is more reasonable.

[gonne.livejournal.com]

Is there an epidemic going on that side of the Atlantic?

Another friend of mine, moony, has had very similar symptoms for ages now.

[cosmic.livejournal.com]

Oh honey. *hugs*

[frito-kal.livejournal.com]

I wish I had something to offer other than random virtual hugs and XP logs. But I'll give as many of both of those as I'm capable.

[indiana-j.livejournal.com]

Whatever you need, just let me know--a hug, logs, an ear to vent. *HUGS*

[amythyst7.livejournal.com]

Same as all the offers. *HUGS* I hope you get some answers today.

[tieleen.livejournal.com]

I send you hugs and many good thoughts/energies/well wishes, whichever form best knows to swim across oceans. Good luck with the doctors.

[cynjen]

*hugs* I read this too late, or I would've come with you to the clinic. Hope you got there okay, and they told you something useful.

[anastasiab.livejournal.com]

Ditto to all the other well wishes. I'm so sorry. . . is there any anti-nausea medication they could give you, to perhaps lessen the symptoms while they determine the cause?