On grief and loss...

[deathpixie]

I've been thinking about grief and loss a lot in the last few days. Mostly about how sometimes watching someone grieve is almost harder than feeling the grief yourself. It's the helplessness you feel, the knowledge that there really isn't anything much you can do except be there, either literally or virtually, and be the shoulder to lean on. About how sometimes there just aren't words.

It doesn't matter the circumstances of the loss, whether it was 'deserved' or not, it's still a loss and there are always people touched by it. Even the aging alcoholic dying of a heart attack in his rooming house has a friend calling the Coroner's Court, wanting to know what funeral arrangements are being made so he knows where to go to pay his respects. Even the druggie overdosing in the supermarket carpark has a family mourning the loss of someone they couldn't save. A relationship can be unhealthy and still be painful to end, if only for the sake of the good feelings that brought the people together. Every loss matters to someone out there.

I've watched a lot of loss and grief over the past year. Between working at Coroner's, losing [Bad username or site: @ livejournal.com], watching friends lose relationships and jobs and I find myself sitting here, trying to think of something to say, some way I can help. Sometimes I can, sometimes I can't - I'm learning that I can't fix everything, no matter how much I want to. Someone could call it progress. But even if I can't help, I hope that people know I'm there for them any way, that if there's something I can do, however small, all they have to do is ask.

This is kind of scattered, I know, but yeah, it's something that's difficult to nail down into words. Funny how that happens. But it comes down to basically wanting to let people know that I know I can't help, but it doesn't mean I don't feel for you too.

Comments

[deathpixie]

I really like that one too. Thanks, Min. :)

"Presence with skin on". *grins* I really like that way of putting it. And that I can do - got a friend going though a breakup right now and yeah, that's what's prompted this. Among other things.

[trishalynn.livejournal.com]

That is a great story. *hugs it*

[anastasiab.livejournal.com]

That is beautiful. I love that phrase- God is always there, but sometimes we need someone with skin. Thank you for reminding me of it.

[acetal.livejournal.com]

*snugs*

Yes. Particularly that last paragraph.

[ion-duck.livejournal.com]

I find myself sitting here, trying to think of something to say, some way I can help. Sometimes I can, sometimes I can't - I'm learning that I can't fix everything, no matter how much I want to. Someone could call it progress. But even if I can't help, I hope that people know I'm there for them any way, that if there's something I can do, however small, all they have to do is ask.

Usually, I don't waited to be asked. People need help during times like that and generally afraid to ask. Those who are in a position to do good, should. On a strictly personal level, those who are in position to do good and don't are derelict in their duties as a friend. On a more broad level, they're just a poor excuse for a human being.

[anastasiab.livejournal.com]

Just caring is enough sometimes.