Launching...
Mar. 11th, 2001 01:28 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
deathpixieI'm still not sure why I'm doing this. I'm a private person, this sort of public-ish forum doesn't come easily. And it smacks of hypocrisy after I said I didn't like the idea of an online journal that people could read. I guess I'm a victim of peer-group pressure. Oh, the irony.
In a way I suppose I wanted some way to mark the start of my "new life". Or at least the end of the old one. This is the year I am seriously going to attempt to make something of this writing gig, and the 'experts' are always saying a journal is a good way to start. A journal with an audience is just one step further, I suppose. ;)
And I suppose it's a way to give people an idea - my friends, that is - an idea of how things are going, without me having to explain it all several times. Not that I mind people asking, it's woderful to know that people care about me that much, but it's hard to keep saying (or typing) the words over and over... "BRM and I have broken up."
Some background, then, before I find something else to focus my insomnia on. My relationship of twelve years (not married, but everything else, practically), has recently come undone. We're still living in the same house, but platonically, as housemates and friends, not a couple. Perhaps not a perfect arrangement, but it's one we have to put up with until the financial situation improves. And honestly, I'd rather live alone than with anyone else than him. No-one else could put up with me, for a start. ;)
So, I'm in the throes of whatever you call this up-and-down emotional rollercoaster. Rationally, intellectually, I know this is for the best, that we're better off as friends than lovers, but since when did our intellects have the final say? So be warned. Most of the time I'm a pretty good-natured person - 'golden', as one dippy Psychology tutor described me. But I'm only human, and I need a place to vent, where I don't have to feel guilty for bringing people down or spoiling the chat.
Mind you, any real angst will be kept to the hardcopy journal - no point doing a Jerry Springer.
So, welcome. Welcome to my head.
In a way I suppose I wanted some way to mark the start of my "new life". Or at least the end of the old one. This is the year I am seriously going to attempt to make something of this writing gig, and the 'experts' are always saying a journal is a good way to start. A journal with an audience is just one step further, I suppose. ;)
And I suppose it's a way to give people an idea - my friends, that is - an idea of how things are going, without me having to explain it all several times. Not that I mind people asking, it's woderful to know that people care about me that much, but it's hard to keep saying (or typing) the words over and over... "BRM and I have broken up."
Some background, then, before I find something else to focus my insomnia on. My relationship of twelve years (not married, but everything else, practically), has recently come undone. We're still living in the same house, but platonically, as housemates and friends, not a couple. Perhaps not a perfect arrangement, but it's one we have to put up with until the financial situation improves. And honestly, I'd rather live alone than with anyone else than him. No-one else could put up with me, for a start. ;)
So, I'm in the throes of whatever you call this up-and-down emotional rollercoaster. Rationally, intellectually, I know this is for the best, that we're better off as friends than lovers, but since when did our intellects have the final say? So be warned. Most of the time I'm a pretty good-natured person - 'golden', as one dippy Psychology tutor described me. But I'm only human, and I need a place to vent, where I don't have to feel guilty for bringing people down or spoiling the chat.
Mind you, any real angst will be kept to the hardcopy journal - no point doing a Jerry Springer.
So, welcome. Welcome to my head.
