Dilemmas, dilemmas...
Oct. 9th, 2001 08:12 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
deathpixieI need your advice here guys. I've been thinking over things over the past week or so, and I find myself at something of a crossroads.
Let me explain.
It concerns my plans for next year. Back in August, after I got back from Dexcon, I made the decision to go back to Melbourne next year. The problem is, I also want to go to Europe with certain ficcers, and then to Dexcon and stay in Canada for as long as I can afford before they throw me out. At least four months. To that end, I was intending to go back to full time work in Melbourne and save as much as possible.
This is where the dilemma comes in.
I don't think I can afford both - living in Melbourne and saving up for travel. Living on your own in the city is pricey, and I really don't like the idea of living with strangers. Here I get a two-bedroom unit for minimal rent - $500 a month. And the general cost of living is cheaper. There's also the fact I'd have to come up with bond and first month's rent and connection fees for various utilities, none of which I'm going to have by January.
The other point is that work really doesn't want me to leave. John Hardy is sticking his neck out to get me put on full time ASAP, and seems really keen on me staying, as was the temporary regional registrar in charge. There's also talk of a VPS-3 position being available (although I'd be fighting Paula for it) next year. And the added bonus of doing Coroner's and County Court work, getting the experience I need to rise in the department. If I transfer, I'm pretty much guanranteed to get stuck in another dead-end job like I was at Melbourne Magistrates': I certainly wouldn't be doing as much as I do here, nor would I be as valued.
Of course, those of you who have been reading my journal will be shaking your heads and thinking I'm on crack after the general ranting and raving I've been doing about Wodonga. Yes, I have no friends here. Yes, I've been pretty miserable for the past nine months. But a large part of that has been living with my ex. That would change next year - I'd insist on it. And a lot od my loneliness has been self-inflicted. When I'm depressed I get lazy, and disinclined to be social. I would also be working full time, therefore having less time to sit and mope. Besides, I wouldn't be so reluctant to invite people home if BRM wasn't around to disapprove later.
*grins* And I'd get to keep the sofa bed for a bit longer.
So, my dilemma is this: common-sense vs. personal wishes. If I stay here until June, it means I won't be able to get back to training, or see the Melbourne ficcers as much as I would living there. It means another six months of not much in the way of social life unless I get off my bum and seek it out. I know my parents would be happier if I stay, and it would be easier as far as actual moving goes - I would get to keep my brother's stuff that is here, and when I go, I wouldn't have to pay for storage, just leave it with my folks. There's a whole bunch of practical reasons to stay, and not that many to go, except that my friends aren't here. And I don't know that moving back to Melbourne will be any better - I don't even know if I'd be able to get the time off I want, while I know Pete would do his best to look after me here.
So, the advisor is asking for advice. You guys are good at giving me a different perspective on things, and I could do with that now - I've been thinking this over and over, and I'm getting more and more muddled. Some fresh views would be welcome.
Let me explain.
It concerns my plans for next year. Back in August, after I got back from Dexcon, I made the decision to go back to Melbourne next year. The problem is, I also want to go to Europe with certain ficcers, and then to Dexcon and stay in Canada for as long as I can afford before they throw me out. At least four months. To that end, I was intending to go back to full time work in Melbourne and save as much as possible.
This is where the dilemma comes in.
I don't think I can afford both - living in Melbourne and saving up for travel. Living on your own in the city is pricey, and I really don't like the idea of living with strangers. Here I get a two-bedroom unit for minimal rent - $500 a month. And the general cost of living is cheaper. There's also the fact I'd have to come up with bond and first month's rent and connection fees for various utilities, none of which I'm going to have by January.
The other point is that work really doesn't want me to leave. John Hardy is sticking his neck out to get me put on full time ASAP, and seems really keen on me staying, as was the temporary regional registrar in charge. There's also talk of a VPS-3 position being available (although I'd be fighting Paula for it) next year. And the added bonus of doing Coroner's and County Court work, getting the experience I need to rise in the department. If I transfer, I'm pretty much guanranteed to get stuck in another dead-end job like I was at Melbourne Magistrates': I certainly wouldn't be doing as much as I do here, nor would I be as valued.
Of course, those of you who have been reading my journal will be shaking your heads and thinking I'm on crack after the general ranting and raving I've been doing about Wodonga. Yes, I have no friends here. Yes, I've been pretty miserable for the past nine months. But a large part of that has been living with my ex. That would change next year - I'd insist on it. And a lot od my loneliness has been self-inflicted. When I'm depressed I get lazy, and disinclined to be social. I would also be working full time, therefore having less time to sit and mope. Besides, I wouldn't be so reluctant to invite people home if BRM wasn't around to disapprove later.
*grins* And I'd get to keep the sofa bed for a bit longer.
So, my dilemma is this: common-sense vs. personal wishes. If I stay here until June, it means I won't be able to get back to training, or see the Melbourne ficcers as much as I would living there. It means another six months of not much in the way of social life unless I get off my bum and seek it out. I know my parents would be happier if I stay, and it would be easier as far as actual moving goes - I would get to keep my brother's stuff that is here, and when I go, I wouldn't have to pay for storage, just leave it with my folks. There's a whole bunch of practical reasons to stay, and not that many to go, except that my friends aren't here. And I don't know that moving back to Melbourne will be any better - I don't even know if I'd be able to get the time off I want, while I know Pete would do his best to look after me here.
So, the advisor is asking for advice. You guys are good at giving me a different perspective on things, and I could do with that now - I've been thinking this over and over, and I'm getting more and more muddled. Some fresh views would be welcome.
![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
Hmmmm.
The other thing is, and I know that of which I speak, how badly do you want to actually go back to Melbourne? I had that desire to come 'home', but now that I'm here and my quality of living ain't so great, it's not that wonderful a place for me. Sometimes visits *are* better. Can staying in Wodonga and making weekend trips meet your needs to see friends and such help you get by? I'm a stupid American and have no concept of Australian geography, so you'll have to forgive me...
And how much does your work mean to you in Wodonga? You mentioned the possibility of advancement and such. Maybe when you've climbed up the ranks a bit here you could hunt a job in Melbourne, and make enough money to live comfortably there. The job is very important... From a purely economical standpoint, I'd say you'd be crazy to leave a place like that and go back to Melbourne where you're not certain of a job at all and no one's going to bend over to help you do anything. If you really like what you do, I'd stay in Wodonga.
The friends thing is difficult... But getting off your bum to make friends is a good thing. Maybe try volunteering or joining a local club. Or heck, *starting* a local club. I mean, if there's no martial arts type thing and you're interested in that, make a flyer or sommat and start posting it around town. You can't possibly be the only one. Relying on ficcers as your only friends really limits yourself. I know it sounds hideous, but let's face it: you need other friends. You *should* have other friends. Doesn't mean you have to abandon the ficcers, but making friends closer to you is always a good thing.
And as for the trip... depends on how much it means to you. Yeah, I know there are a lot of ifs and buts and questions in here, but it's your decision to make so I'm trying to get you to really think. :P Personally, I'd love it if you came to Canada next summer. Heck, I've got a place for you to stay if you come this way. :P But you have to put your choices on a scale... which means more to you: Moving back to Melbourne and having a lower standard of living, or staying in Wodonga with its lovely job possibilities and the promise of a chunk of time in Canada? You said yourself that a lot of the reason you've been miserable is you, and that's both understandable and correctable. If nothing else, you can wait until after you get back from your trip to move to Melbourne (or start saving to move). No one says you can't do both, you just can't do both at the same time. And since you've got a good job in Wodonga, and the prospect of bumming around overseas doesn't come along every day, *and* you can improve your mood and friendless status if you really try- I'd say stay in Wodonga, at least for now.
My Horribly Biased Opinion
Date: 2001-10-09 05:16 pm (UTC)Obviously *I* want you to move back to Melbourne; it means not spending four hours with a five-year-old kicking me in the kidneys if I want to sleep on your couch :).
(Hit the post button before finishing - let's try that again).
Date: 2001-10-09 05:26 pm (UTC)Obviously *I* want you to move back to Melbourne; it means not spending four hours with a five-year-old kicking me in the kidneys if I want to sleep on your couch :). However, moving back to Melbourne doesn't just mean being within coffee distance of Yasmin and I, it means being close to the other friends you've got in Melbourne - like the karate people - and having greater oppurtunities to meet other friends outside those two groups than you've probably got in Wodonga.
Bear in mind that I'm speaking as somone who grew up in the country (a town much smaller than Wodonga, admittedly) and hated every second. I've found it much easier to get along with people since I've been in Melbourne, and don't walk down the street feeling like the whole world is against me any more.
Does that mean you can't make friends in the country? Of course it doesn't - but it probably is more difficult to find people who share your interests, simply because there's a much smaller pool. If you're feeling depressed and unsociable, you might not have the energy it takes to make friends in a more challenging environment.
I'm honestly not trying to bully you into moving, and I think that traveling the world is a neat idea too. What you really need, I think, is to get away from BRM, as soon as is humanly possible, whether that means moving within Wodonga or out of it altogether. To be blunt: he's an arsehole, Rossi, even if he's not an arsehole every day, even if he's got reasons to be an arsehole. Don't put up with it longer than you have to.
first--
Date: 2001-10-09 08:01 pm (UTC)So, I think I'd have to say... it depends on whether you consider your future plans (europe, Canada) more important than the next six months. If you do.... I don't know. I would stay.
But then, if you really want to move to Melbourne, you should do it.
At heart I'm a practical person, so I would probably advise that you stay in Wodonga for now so that the trips you do take in the future will be longer and you'll have more money for them. (Lord knows, sometimes I regret moving back home, even though it does mean I'll see Italy next summer). But...
Like I said. I'm putting next summer above right now. If you want to do the same, then, yeah. It's a tough call. *hugs* Whatever you decide, we'll be here.
Uhmmm...
Date: 2001-10-10 12:02 am (UTC)I'd really like to have you come with us to Europe. And I'm a hardline tightarse when it comes to really ~really~ having somthing to save for.
But, like you say, it's horrible not having friends.
But, if you put the effort in, there's probably a few groups of people out there (harrass the rude comicshop guy, see about RPG, bushwalking groups, riding, whatever).
But, it's tough dealing with BRM.
But, if you want I'll come down next weekend and throw his stuff into the road and help you change the locks, because, honey, you so don't need to put up with him. You give him more patience than he deserves.
But, country towns can be stifling.
But, you might have a better job/job prospects to come back to.
But, you need a good karate group.
But, but but but but.
Whatever makes you happy. Because a happy Rossi is very important.
On the subject of the current housemate...
Date: 2001-10-10 01:19 am (UTC)Thanks for the thoughts, guys - more food for thought, but I think I'm closer to a decision. Any more thoughts would be most welcome. :)
On the Rossi/Trisha convergence
Date: 2001-10-10 10:39 am (UTC)Ficcers on the move...