The black dog

[deathpixie]

From a psychotherapy referral website I'm using to find a new counsellor:

Depression is one of the most common reasons that people seek therapy.
It is a chronic ‘down’ mood takes the lustre out of life, and includes feelings of worthlessness and incompetence, physical debility and fatigue, loss of libido, increased irritability, difficulty sleeping, lack of interest in life, poor appetite, increased anxiety, thoughts of suicide, and lack of hope.

...these people find that they tend to work hard to be good but are never satisfied with their own efforts. The result can be chronic perfectionism, dissatisfaction, morbid introspection, emotional withdrawal from others. Their anger turns inward and takes its toll on their ability to experience happiness or joy in life with others.

Many depressed people feel that they cannot connect with other human beings in an intimate and meaningful way. Their lives are missing the warmth, affection, trust or support that they need. They feel empty, weak, helpless and despairing.

This is what it's like for me. I hope it helps people understand - I'm not negative on purpose, it's just really difficult to see anything else.

One email sent, let's see about the rest.

Edit: Make that three. Three's a good start, right?

Comments

[indiana-j.livejournal.com]

That's a fantastic start. *hugs*

[ferox.livejournal.com]

I'd feel better if you called, as that's more active, but three emails is a good start, yes.

[deathpixie]

If I don't get a reply by tomorrow, I'll call. It's not something I'm comfortable doing from my work phone and I don't have business hours for them.

[indiana-j.livejournal.com]

Yeah, it's sometimes hard from work - for example, I don't know about you, but I'm in a cube surrounded by my coworkers. It's hard to make even regular doctor's calls sometimes thanks to the lack of privacy.

[deathpixie]

Pretty much, yeah. And given my response when talking about this stuff is to burst into tears, it's something I'm really not comfortable with doing on a work phone.

[ferox.livejournal.com]

I'll be a bully and point out that their voicemail most likely has their hours on it. However, calling Friday night will be fine.

[deathpixie]

Thank you. Since, you know, doing this on my own with no resources on a bad brain day isn't exactly easy.

[annlarimer.livejournal.com]

It is like walking in knee-deep snow all the time.

[frito-kal.livejournal.com]

*hugs* This is an excellent start! I am so glad you're making this step.

[qodarkness.livejournal.com]

I am the usual cheer squad here, but am I allowed to be naughty and say: "You have chronic perfectionism??!? NO!!!!" and hope you take it in the way I mean it?

I hope you find someone who helps a lot more.

A

[deathpixie]

*wry* Well, yeah, one of the reasons I posted that bit - it resonated, just a touch. ;)

[qodarkness.livejournal.com]

Just a tiny bit. And as per below; e-mail is fine. I e-mail lots of businesses as first contact because I don't like making personal phone calls at work. It's an excellent way to do this kind of initial contact stuff.

A

[msss.livejournal.com]

Yes, it is a good start. *hugs*

[deathpixie]

Thanks, 'Mouse. I know email's a cop-out but I am trying.

[msss.livejournal.com]

Uh, Rossi? Email's not a cop-out. Just a tool that we all use when it's not convenient to call. You're doing GOOD to take that first step.

[evilwildlex.livejournal.com]

I'm glad to hear you're seeking help. I'm just finishing off my psychology degree and there are just so many people who don't even realize they have depression, and that things can be better.

And chiming in with the chorus, but email is not a cop-out. It wouldn't be available if it was not a valid way of contacting for information.

[seraangel.livejournal.com]

It is a good start, although like Aisy said, calling is more immediate. But so proud of you mate for doing something for yourself. This is a very good step.

And an edit just to mention that e-mail isn't a copout, I'd just like you to feel like you're getting an immediate response and e-mail can take time. But as long as you're happy to wait, I don't see it as a problem.

[deathpixie]

Well, like I said to Aisy, if I don't get a response tomorrow, I'll start the calls. But I'm not doing it at work, or anywhere public, for that matter - I cry enough in front of people at the pub and I'm not adding work to that.

[seraangel.livejournal.com]

(nods) Entirely unstanderable. And it's a very hard thing to do even without the audience, so definitely private calling is the way to go.