I'm completely with you on making damn sure you and your partner are on the same page, but I would never have even thought of having a back-up plan, to the point where it would've felt like a betrayal to have one - same as I would never think to sign a pre-nup, or keep sums of expenditures. Basically, to me, feeling the need to have a back-up plan would be a sign not to do it at all. All or nothing.
And I'm saying that as someone who has had a 'this is forever' relationship that lasted four years before fizzling out. There was definitely a point at which I would've moved 5k miles with her, and I now know that such an act would've turned out to be a mistake. But in the long run, so what? Being with the wrong person can cause unfortunate problems. But in fairness, so can being with the right person sometimes. When you tie your life to someone else's, you tie your fortunes to theirs also - your career choices, your place of residence, whatever. That's part of the deal and part I wholeheartedly signed up for.
I'm not saying it's a bad thing to work your way (indeed see how I started my first comment - I think it's a valid outlook). I was presenting a counterpoint rather than trying to argue you round. You work from your experiences and I work from mine and that's what makes us who we are etc. Consistently throughout my life, things have gone best for me when I've ignored convention and practicality and gone with my gut - I have never been failed by my instincts, and going against them has nearly always caused me damage. But that's not something I recommend to others. (Unless I think they want me to.)
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Date: 2011-07-12 05:24 pm (UTC)And I'm saying that as someone who has had a 'this is forever' relationship that lasted four years before fizzling out. There was definitely a point at which I would've moved 5k miles with her, and I now know that such an act would've turned out to be a mistake. But in the long run, so what? Being with the wrong person can cause unfortunate problems. But in fairness, so can being with the right person sometimes. When you tie your life to someone else's, you tie your fortunes to theirs also - your career choices, your place of residence, whatever. That's part of the deal and part I wholeheartedly signed up for.
I'm not saying it's a bad thing to work your way (indeed see how I started my first comment - I think it's a valid outlook). I was presenting a counterpoint rather than trying to argue you round. You work from your experiences and I work from mine and that's what makes us who we are etc. Consistently throughout my life, things have gone best for me when I've ignored convention and practicality and gone with my gut - I have never been failed by my instincts, and going against them has nearly always caused me damage. But that's not something I recommend to others. (Unless I think they want me to.)