deathpixie | I feel pretty, oh so pretty...

Addendum to the last post, really. And feel free to tell me if you think I'm just grandstanding for attention.

You know one of the nicest things about my weekend? Finding out that men think I'm attractive.

Now, before you break out the Nerf bats, let me explain.

When I was in high school (back in the days before electricity, and the horseless carriage *grins*), I was not considered pretty. Or even vaguely attractive. I was somewhat pudgy and I had glasses and was rather mousy... and I had brains. Not a good combination. So I got used to guys not seeing me as attractive, treating me as a friend when they actually talked to me, giving them advice when they asked for it on how to get the notice of this girl or that one. My mum said they were just being stupid, that I was lovely, but all mothers think that. ;)

When I got to uni, it came as a total surprise to find that guys actually appreciated me, found me sexy, even. I had a couple of flings, then met BRM, adn even through our relationship, every so often someone would make a pass at me. I usually put it down to too much to drink; I couldn't take them seriously, because I'd spent so long being told I was "a dog".

Gradually, over time, I became... comfortable with my looks. I sort of accepted that I would never be considered pretty, but I had my good features, and I was fit and healthy and could throw a guy twice my size without too much trouble. Besides, I was in a steady relationship, that stuff didn't matter. Then the comfy blanket of complacency was yanked off, and I found that 'that stuff' did sort of matter after all - I felt I wasn't physically attractive, because BRM was no longer attracted in that way.

So Saturday night, I rediscovered how nice it is to be told you're attractive. To have someone look at you and think you're something special. It sounds terribly shallow, but I felt pretty.

It felt good.

If I ever get into another relationship, I want the person to love me for my intelligence and personality and humour. I know looks aren't everything. But it's kind of good for the ego, y'know? Especially when you've spent years thinking you're nothing special and never will be.

Anyhoo, I'm off to bed, before I faceplant on the keyboard