deathpixie: (honesty the best policy)
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I work for the government, so business casual is the bane of my life. I usually manage to get away with slacks and blouses, since I'm usually at my desk all day, but I live for Casual Fridays. Jeans and t-shirts all the way, baybe!
deathpixie: (at the griffin)
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I'm not sure, maybe about six or seven? I tended to hold onto the small childhood mysteries longer than most, mostly because I desperately wanted the magic to be real. As I got older and knew it was Dad, I kept going along with the ritual, just because we all enjoyed it so much; the biscuits and the bottle of beer left out for Father Christmas, the presents for David and I labelled "from FC" that was always included even up to my teens... we didn't have stockings, we had Christmas pillow cases. Much more practical in terms of loot capacity. ;)

I talked to my parents tonight, as it's Christmas Day for them there now. Mum was saying Zoe was so excited - she's old enough to get the whole Santa thing now, without the cynicism. I don't know why, but it just made me happy, hearing mum talk about it. Apparently Santa doesn't get beer, he gets milk, because he's not allowed to drink and drive any more.

I can't wait to see them all in January. :)
deathpixie: (multiple moods)
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I'd buy you a fur coat (but not a real fur coat, that's cruel).
deathpixie: (dance my puppets!)
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Back around the time my relationship ended, I was, understandably, not a happy bunny. But there was one person who knew how to make me laugh, every time I logged onto IRC.

Dex: "Guess what?"

Me: "What?"

Dex: "I'm not wearing any pants!"

After a while he didn't even need the guess what part. I knew the joke, and it still make me giggle every time, no matter how bad I felt.

Of course, now we're roomies and I can see when there are no pants for myself. ;)
deathpixie: (sushi)
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It's odd, going through the replies on this one and seeing what people consider "weird" in the area of food. There's alligator and organ meat and various types of sushi - someone cited tomago sushi, which is the one with the egg on it, which is pretty damn common if you're into sushi - and of course the chocolate-coated insects and meal worm husks (which are weird). A lot of the 'weird' stuff is food I've not only eaten, but enjoyed and had on several occasions.

Apparently my palate and experience with food is a lot wider than you'd think.

So, my list.

The weirdest (i.e. most disgusting) thing I've ever eaten was a dead huntsman spider when I was a baby. By all accounts, I thought it was delicious, since I cried when they took the remains off me.

As for weird food, I've eaten the following: raw beef, lamb brains, liver, kidneys, ox tongue, tripe (absolutely revolting, no matter how you cook it, sorry!), pickled octopus, crocodile, kangaroo, emu (in pate form), alligator, frog's legs (tasty!), fermented soy beans (ugh), crab roe (along with the crab), cow tail, squid in various forms, eel, rabbit, shark, scallops and Moreton Bay bugs. I also chew on chicken bones for the marrow (and actually eat some of the ground-up bone, don't ask), and love Vegemite.

For the most part, except where noted, I've enjoyed it at the time, although I'm a bit iffy on offal these days. Then again, if it was in an awesome restaurant and prepared well, I'd probably try it again.
deathpixie: (the road goes ever on)
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No, I wouldn't.

It might seem a bit weird, coming from me, considering I've moved across the globe to live in another country. But I didn't do it for someone I loved. I did it for me. I did it because I needed to make a change, because I wanted to try living in the place that had become a second home to me. I did it because I could.

Love should not be the only reason you uproot your life and move. Because love is, unfortunately, not always rock solid. Love doesn't always last. And unless you have the resources to take care of yourself in a strange place, you could wind up in a really bad way.

It's not selfish to take care of yourself, even in love. Make sure you've got something as a back up, in case something goes wrong, and be sure you're making the decision for you, not because someone else wants you to or you feel it's what you should do. If there's any doubt, talk it out with your loved one. Don't wait until you've done something irrevocable before discovering it's not what you want after all.
deathpixie: (grumpy)
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Considering Independence Day is strictly an American holiday, other countries don't tend to celebrate it.

D'uh.
deathpixie: (plateaus of sanity)
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I'd go back and not talk the ex into giving us another chance when he first broached the subject of breaking up, five years before it actually happened.

Would it change who I am now? Very probably. And for me, that wouldn't be such a bad thing. I would have avoided five years of self-doubt and pain and recriminations and the loss of friends that accompanied it. I would be financially stable. I most likely would have started therapy a lot earlier and possibly wouldn't be on the anti-depressants. I wouldn't be 41 years old and finally getting to a point where I'm feeling I can trust myself, reconsidering my career path and wanting to do something for myself, something I enjoy. I would have had an extra five years to get my shit together after the whole thing and I entirely possibly wouldn't be half the mess I was when it did actually end.

However, there are no time machines. No backsies. So it's better to look forward and concentrate on what I do have, instead of what I don't.
deathpixie: (Simon's Cat)
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This one's easy.

A cat. I could sleep whenever I wanted, have someone feed me and clean up after me and all I would have to do is cuddle and purr and generally be adorable and adored.

Where do I sign up?
deathpixie: (lonely and alone and dead)
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Being alone when I don't want to be.

Yeah, I know, it's not as exciting as spiders or snakes or sharks or whatever, but this is my deepest darkest fear. That one day I'll turn around and find I've lost all my friends and that I'm alone. That I'll live out the rest of my life by myself and die unmourned and unremarked.

Like most fears, it's irrational. I mean, I have friends, good friends, ones who aren't about to abandon me. But the fear's still there and when I have my bad days, it's what comes up to the top of my mind. That I'm unloveable, unlikable and people only put up with me because I'm useful and do stuff for them.

I don't deal well with rejection, real or perceived. I never have, because of my fear. So every rejection is an exercise in trying to overcome my fear, because rejection is a part of our lives. Not everyone is going to like us for all time, after all, and even the best of friends have days where they're short with each other. Even the most academic of rejections, the ones that are in no way personal, hurt badly, because I can't but help take them personally. Which really isn't helpful because it opens me up to the whole "you're overreacting and taking things personally when you shouldn't" criticism, and I feel even worse.

Any way, I'm trying to deal with it. That's what therapy is about these days. Dealing with the fear so I don't lead with it, so to speak. It's very slow going, but hopefully one day I'll make it.
deathpixie: (writing)
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Tales from the Backpack of Doom. Since I'd only want to write about the travelling bits. ;)
deathpixie: (sushi)
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It's really quiet today, so you get Writer's Block answers.

My favourite holiday food has to be the roomie's family's wild rice and sausage stuffing. It's amazing and I'm so glad I can eat it now I've turned back to the Dark Side of meat eating. I'm getting hungry just thinking about it.

Least favourite holiday food has to be Christmas cake. Or anything with marzipan on it. I really dislike the bitter almond taste (I like almonds, just not the fake essence stuff) and the fondant is just way too sweet for me to handle. The cake underneath can be good, especially if it's my mum's.
deathpixie: (humans suck)
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Actually, I find this question really creepy, but moreso the answers from various folks who are saying they'd pat down X character "to cop a feel". Considering the stories coming out of the whole TSA security upgrade in terms of scanners/pat downs, where people are feeling they're being sexually assaulted (and, in legal terms, it is assault in many cases where there has been inadequate warning, check out this link, this link and this link), it's really an inappropriate question, and pretty much trivialises and ignores the legitimate concerns people have with the TSA's new regime. Once again, Writer's Block fails and fails hard. As do those giggling fangirls who think assault = SEXYTIMEZOMG!

For those wondering about what can be done, try Opt Out.




EDIT: So you don't think I'm crazy, the original Writer's Block question asked, if I was the TSA person at Hogwarts, which Harry Potter character I'd pat down. Livejournal apparently realised how moronic and insulting this was and changed the question. If you're curious about the original wording, you can find it here, where a coding glitch has preserved it. ;)


EDIT II: Another link re the TSA: a rape survivor's experience of 'enhanced security'. The article has some other very good links in the body and in the comments. Could be triggering.


EDIT III - The metafandom version: Since this has been metafandomed, a couple more links! [Bad username or site: @ livejournal.com] picked up on the post as well. And here we have a word from the original question poser.
deathpixie: (drug of the nation)
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In my last year in Melbourne, I happened upon a "3 for $15" video sale and found The Dark Crystal, The Princess Bride and Labyrinth, all of which I remember adoring from my early teens. The first two held up to the years. Labyrinth... not so much.

I mean, David Bowie is still awesome in it (even if he does seem stoned in several scenes!) but the tights are just too much, and Jennifer What's-Her-Name is just awful in it and the effects just... no. Apparently you have to be a kid, or at least have access to whatever the production crew were smoking, to really get back into this one.

The Dark Crystal, on the other hand, still rocks.
deathpixie: (calm)
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Odd, since I was talking about this last night...

Like many of my online friends, I was bullied and ostracised in school. Not straight away, however. In grade 7 I had friends - there were four of us who were as thick as thieves. We'd have lunch together every day, my best friend Jenny and I would sit next to each other in class and we'd go to each other's houses on the weekends (a big deal when you remember I lived in country Victoria, so going to a friend's house usually required driving an hour or so). We'd tell jokes and gossip about boys and bands and books. It was great.

That changed in grade 8. Literally over the summer vacation - I came back to school and suddenly my friends weren't my friends any more. They wouldn't talk to me. They wouldn't hang out with me. They'd call me names and give me wedgies and joined in with all the rest of the class in throwing spitballs at the back of my head in History. The abuse was bad enough, but what I could never work out was what I'd done for things to change so drastically. There was no reason, even when I summoned up the courage to ask. If it had been that way from the start, I might have been able to cope with things better, but not this unexplained change, as if I'd done something unforgiveable that I couldn't remember.

There were positives. I learned independence. I learned to write. I read everything I could get my hands on in an effort to forget what was going on around me. I got good grades because I focussed on my work in order to ignore what was being said about me within my hearing. But there were a lot more negatives, not the least of which was the "confirmation" that I couldn't trust anyone not to dump me, that everyone, at one time or other, would let me down.

I still have a lot of trust issues. It hasn't helped that there's been a number of incidents over the past nine months that have touched those old high school scars and reminded me that to some people, friendship is as transient as the next online shiny and that's been a real stumbling block in my progress.

I've improved in one sense, in that I don't blame myself as much as I would have even a year ago, but rejection is a bitch, no matter who you are. I'm working with my counsellor on mutable boundaries - the ability to let people in or keep them out just as much as I need, not the all-or-nothing defensive mechanisms I have at the moment. I'm still scared to the point of inaction about the idea of going out and meeting new people on my own, something else we're working on, and there's a number of emails I should write that I probably won't.

The more things change... Ah well. That's what the therapy's for, right?
deathpixie: (unexpected)
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To me, the term 'friending' on a blog like LJ is a misnomer. Yes, some of the people whose journals I read are friends. But there's also a lot of journals I read and have 'friended' that I've never met and likely never will. I read them because I like the way they write, or they write about things that I find interesting, or they make me laugh. It's where Dreamwidth's idea of a "reading list" works much better, because you don't have the connotations associated with the word "friend".

Yes, I have been unfriended without explanation. Did I ask why? No, not when I actually noticed I'd been unfriended. I have many more things in my life that are requiring my attention than worrying myself about why someone decided they didn't want to read my LJ ramblings any more.

Yes, I've also unfriended people without explanation. Sometimes it's because the person has stopped posting, or the reasons I started reading them in the first place have changed. Sometimes it's because for whatever reason, they're making me uncomfortable or hitting particular personal triggers, or they're exacerbating my depression. Sometimes it's because I see them acting in a particular way to someone else I find offensive and decide they're not the sort of person I want to read any more.

Sometimes it's just because I'm doing a clean up of my filters and decide to remove them.

When I unfriend, it rarely has something to do with the friendship. Or, rather, if we were actual friends to start with, it's usually a reflection of a change in the relationship that happened outside of LJ and they're already aware of it. To me, friending and unfriending - and the filters I also employ to organise who and what I read when - is just a way of controlling my particular corner of the internet. It's never personal, and as such, I don't see it as requiring an explanation.

However, should I unfriend someone and they ping me to ask why, I'll always respond. To date, that hasn't happened yet.
deathpixie: (honesty the best policy)
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You just described my relationship of twelve years.

I was constantly afraid to bring things up, not because he was violent or would verbally abuse me, but because he knew what to say to make me feel stupid or childish or selfish. Mentioning a habit of his that drove me crazy while we were living together would be met with a list of mine that made him crazy. Me objecting to something he said would be responded to with "well, I'm just trying to help you be a better person". His contempt was withering - I desperately wanted to be something in his eyes, live up to the potential he saw and I learned to hate myself when I failed.

Ten years after the relationship ended and I'm still single and going through medication and therapy for depression. I'm getting better - much better - and I'm learning that disagreement doesn't mean I'm a bad person. I'm learning my opinion matters just as much as anyone else's. Contempt still tends to shred me, but I'm working on that.

If something's important to you, say it. No matter what.
deathpixie: (honesty the best policy)
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And I thought the whole Harry Potter insanity was annoying. Those, at least, are palatable compared to the tripe that Stephanie Meyer turned out and the Twi-hards are even worse in terms of fangirling. Death threats because people are criticising a series of books? Seriously?

And yes, I attempted to read at least the first one. I got half-way through the first chapter before my spine leapt up my neck and strangled my brain in an attempt to preserve my sanity. Not only is the concept horrible, the characters cardboard cut outs with stereotyped personalities, but Meyers is a hack writer who is in sad need of an editor with the balls to tell her she can't write for crap. J. K. Rowling was derivitive but at least she had a decent vocabulary and didn't have to pause to thump us over the head with how sparkly the main characters are.

(also, I quite like the Harry Potter movies - they cut out the extraneous description and get into the meat of things, as it were, which was actually a good story)

It'll be funny when they try and film the last book. The whole "vampire baby breaks her mother's spine and daddy has to perform a Ceasarian with his teeth" ought to make a wonderful trailer.

I think this sums things up nicely. :)

deathpixie: (climbing)
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My first LJ post was March 11, 2001. I'd only started the journal because everyone else I knew, it seemed, had one, and it was slowly replacing email as a means of contact. Reading back on it... I was so naive. I believed that you could end a twelve-year-long relationship amicably, that we could continue living together without hating each other. That I would have the brain power to actually get myself together and try and write something publishable. *wry* Part of me looks back at that first entry and is amazed at how young I sound - only eight years ago. So much has gone on since then.

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